IELTS- THE VARIETY OF MUSIC IN THE WORLD TODAY

Question: There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the international music that is heard everywhere nowadays?

My answer:

Why do we need music, especially the classical one?

Music has a lot of genre such as country, pop, jazz, classic, etc. It is all about the matter of preference what to listen. We can choose whatever knd of music we want to hear everyday. People listen to music because it is one way to get away from stress and it can boost the mood of most us. Although we listen to many types of music everyday, traditional music is way more important than international music because it can be the identity of one country and this kind of music genre are mostly unforgettable.

Introducing music in our daily activities is like a stree therapy and a mood booster. Some people listen to their favorite music to get away from all the tension they experienced everyday. For instance, a person who went home from work usually listen to the meditation sounds and calming nature playlist for them to feel relax. In addition, music boost the mood in some person through enhancing their productivity when they do exercise and some student used music to increase their alertness and focus when they study with their subjects while others chose to listen happy songs when they are depressed.

Most people heard different types of music everyday such pop, coutnry, rock and ballad and many more. Traditional music, which another music genre most of us heard, is more important than the present music nowadays because this kind of music serves as the identity of one country. We can hear a story from its lyric and what type of tempo was used to create this music. For example, latin music has distinct rhythm and uses their language in making songs. Similarly, lyric of traditional music is more meaningful than today's music and it is treasured as part of the culture such as folk songs and country music that was produced and composed by famous song writer of the particular country.

In conclusion, music is vital in our life not only it adds color but also it can be a stress reliever and mood booster. Traditional music is way more important up to these days because it is part of one counrty's culture and a kind of music that is unforgettable which anybody can still listen today.

There are some fragmented sentences in your essay such as these "We can choose ... we want to hear listen to everyday.People listen to music because it is ...", instead you should combine the two sentences like this "... everyday to get away from stress and bad moods., and the first sentence in your conclusion should be rewritten this way "..., because it not only adds color to our life but also it can be ...."

Also, the next sentence "Although we listen to many types ..." seems to be a run on sentence and irrelevant to the previous sentences.

Finally, I do think you should use more collocations instead of simply using adjectives to not repeat the same words again and again, for eample "music is vital is of vital ..."

Try to remain between 250 and 300 words for this type of essay. You need to leave ample time to make any necessary changes to your essay during the revision period in order to increase your possible final score. When you write over 300 words, your tendency will be to run out of time to proof read and adjust your content. That will be a disservice to yourself because you are risking getting a failing score in an effort to simply showcase your language know how. You are not being scored on the amount of English words you know, you are being scored on proper word usage and your ability to create understandable English sentences in paragraph form.

You have a tendency to try and get around the GRA simple and complex sentence presentations by instead presenting final sentences which are extremely long and reliant on the term "and" to connect 2 separate thought processes in the essay. This creates run-on sentences which will lower your GRA score and also, adds to the incoherence and non-cohesiveness of your paragraphs. The last sentence of every paragraph should be considered for use as a transition sentence into the next topic for discussion whenever possible. This will increase your cohesiveness score.

Your discussion is well thought out but sometimes misses in terms of appropriate presentation in the paragraphs. You need to learn to develop sentences with more applicable structures in order to create proper simple and complex sentences within the paragraph. Write less words but make sure that your essay will be clearly understood, on a per paragraph basis by the reader. These simple instructions should suffice to help you improve your writing skills at its current intermediate level.

@hyperephania This is very helpful for me to improve my writing. Thank you!

@holt I will make sure to use this instruction. Thank you for your assessments.