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Various of difficulties that people experience when they stay in overseas


badafebriani17 34 / 44 1  
Oct 25, 2016   #1
The bar chart gives information about the various of difficulties that people experience when they stay in overseas, according to some of the age groups. Overall, the much higher problem that people experience in all group age is at 35-54 years old, and the most less problem is choosing of education for children.

Based on the bar chart, people sort out the finances increase slightly from around 34 to 35 at age 35-54. After that, there are a slight fall under 30 of the oldest. Which is the fewest along the age.

The other hand, the middle age experience a significant increase of difficulty in shorting out health care from age group before, at about 35 people. The next age group people experience decrease slightly at 36.

Finding education institute is the most less problem in all of age group, which the most higher is happen in the middle age. Which is at 55 and over experience fall dramatically than age 18-34.

To sum up, the most higher problem experience in all age is shorting in healthcare and the most less problem is in finding school for the children.



IvanMS027 43 / 56 9  
Oct 25, 2016   #2
Hi badafebriani17. Here are my suggestions for you:

First, i would like to correct your grammatical structure.

Overall, the much higherhighest problematic problem that people (...), and the most less problem is ...

or you can write this
Overall, the people having age 35-54 get the most problematic problem while finding a school of their children is the least tricky factor among all range of age.

After that, there areis a slight fall ...
Which is the fewest along the age==> "which" is used to describe the noun .

Suggestions:
actually, you can change some words to avoid repetition. For example: 35-54 years old can be replaced to middle age. age 18-34 can be replaced to "young people".

try to make a clear paragraphing. you can make an main idea for each paragraph.

Goodluck
Faridadwi18 67 / 104 13  
Oct 25, 2016   #3
Hi Bada,

... the various of difficulties thatwhich(it is better to use which than that in IELTS test) people experience when ...
Overall, the much higher problemSthatwhich people experienceface in all group age (...), and the most lessleast problem is choosing of education for children.

... a slight fall under 30 percent of the oldest.

On the other hand , the middle age experience (...), at about 35 peoplepercent .

Finding education institute is the most lessleast problem in all of ...

To sum up, the most higher problem experience in all age is shorting in healthcare and the most ...

- I think you need to understand the question first so you can describe it well.
- In task 1, if you already make the overview, you don't need to make a conclusion.
- it is better to make at least 3 paragraph in the task 1


Hopefully it helps.
mardian24 46 / 75  
Oct 26, 2016   #4
Hi badafebriani17,
1. Overall, the much higher problem that ...
In overall, there is a comparison about the problems that people experience, hence give the comparison

2. there areis a slight fall ...
Because only discuss about one chart, use singular form 'is

3. The other handhands
Other meets plural noun, so hand should be replaced by hands

4. ... experience decrease slightly atto 36
verb + at is used to express a level, but in this sentence, it is talking about level that want to reach, therefore, use preposition to


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