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IELTS WRITING TASK 1: various nutrition of two different dinners


Kalyn17992 9 / 19 1  
Sep 15, 2013   #1
The pie graphs show the nutritional consistency of two dinners.
Write a report to a university lecturer describing the data.
Write at least 150 words

A glance at the two pie charts provided reveals the various nutrition of two different dinners.
In general, there is a dramatic rise of carbohydrates and saturated fat in macaroni than medium baked potato. On the contrary, medium baked potato has a much higher percentage of protein and other nutrients.

In particular, carbohydrates are the most widely enjoyed in both dinners, at 35 percent in medium baked potato and a exponentially higher 52 percent in macaroni. Likewise, a negligible 10 percent in medium baked potato, saturated fat is over double in macaroni.

In stark contrast, however, all other nutrition decrease in macaroni. Protein - which is the most second widely enjoyed nourishment in medium baked potato, accounting for 25 percent - is different from macaroni, a mere 11 percent. Similarly, there are also marked declines in nutritional consistency of glucose and other nutrients.

Overall, carbohydrates are the highest percentage of the five various nutrition in both dinners.



MisterWandering 18 / 321 130  
Sep 16, 2013   #2
A glance at the two pie charts provided reveals the various nutrition of two different dinners.

The two pie charts compare the percentage of several nutrients in medium baked potato and macaroni.

there is a dramatic rise

You can't use "rise" or "fall" in this essay as there is no change here.

there is a dramatic rise of carbohydrates and saturated fat in macaroni than medium baked potato

Macaroni has higher proportions of carbohydrates and saturated fat than medium baked potato.

most widely enjoyed

"enjoy" is the wrong word -> You had better write: Carbohydrates account for the highest proportion of both dinners

a negligible 10 percent in medium baked potato, saturated fat is over double in macaroni.

Meanwhile, saturated fat takes up over 20% of macaroni, doubling the corresponding figure for medium baked potato.

In stark contrast, however ,

all other nutrition decrease in macaroni.

As I mentioned above, this is wrongly used. You should write: constitute a lower proportion

most second widely enjoyed

Again, this is incorrect. Also, it should be "the second most", not "the most second"

is different from macaroni

Protein is the same. Its percentage is different.

there are also marked declines in nutritional consistency of glucose and other nutrients.

are the highest percentage

make up the highest percentage

five various nutrition

five nutritional compounds
I hope this helps!
OP Kalyn17992 9 / 19 1  
Sep 16, 2013   #3
there are some sentences i imitated how they wrote in the book "WRITE RIGHT". The ways can help us obtain high score in the IELTS exam about 7+

For example :

A glance at the two pie charts provided reveals

In stark contrast, however,

which is the most second widely enjoyed

and more
these phrases above are very exact
you can use that book and review it
OP Kalyn17992 9 / 19 1  
Sep 16, 2013   #4
anyway, thank you so much
MisterWandering 18 / 321 130  
Sep 16, 2013   #5
Hi, Kalyn. I haven't read this book yet but I think some of the phrases you used are too complicated. Sometimes, a very simple essay with great ideas and structure can help you to achieve a high score. Also, you need to know when to use these kinds of words rather than applying them in every essay. For example, I don't think the word "enjoy" is appropriate in this case. I hope this helps!
muffle 3 / 12  
Sep 16, 2013   #6
there are some sentences i imitated how they wrote in the book "WRITE RIGHT". The ways can help us obtain high score in the IELTS exam about 7+

Hi Kalyn,

MisterWandering was right.

Sometimes, a very simple essay with great ideas and structure can help you to achieve a high score. Also, you need to know when to use these kinds of words rather than applying them in every essay.

I want to share my experience and hope it helps. I read the book 'Write Right' and found it very complicated to follow. For your information, I did follow those structures once and made my teacher correct them but those did not receive good feedback. I then wrote another task 1 report in more a simple way and got really good score !!
Traveler 6 / 14 2  
Sep 16, 2013   #7
Try to keep things simple, organise your task 1 in 3 or 4 paragraphs (e.i. introduction, overview and details).


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