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Vegetarianism is better for everyone's health because there is no meat in such diet

huyhoang02 2 / 3 1  
Jun 11, 2020   #1
Topic: Everyone should become vegetarian because they do not need to eat meat to have a healthy diet.

Do you agree or disagree?

It is a common belief that becoming vegetarian is better for everyone's health because there is no meat in their diet. Although meat brings a lot of nutrients, I personally agree with the idea becoming vegetarian and have no meat in diet.

On the one hand, vegetables give us adequate nutrition to support our bodies. A well-planned vegetarian diet contains all the nutrients that we need. It is naturally high in fibre and low in saturated fats, which can help to prevent cancer. Vegetarian also reduce the risk of heart diseases due to the fat in meat. For example, many vegetables are great sources of vitamins and mineral such as vitamin A,E as well as calcium. Therefore, instead of eating many kind of food to get these vitamins, everyone only need to eat these vegetables.

On the other hand, having vegetarian diet and stopping to eat meat can improve the environment as well. It is high time people stopped killing animals necessarily. Growing vegetables and cereals for ourselves rather than for cattle will greatly reduce the human impact on the environment. For instance, livestock farming has a vast environmental footprint. It contributes to land and water degradation which can lead to biodiversity loss,acid rain and deforestation. Nowhere is this impact more apparent than climate change-livestock farming contribute a noticeable proportion of human produced greenhouse gas emissions worldwide.

In conclusion, I believe that vegetarian diet is better for everyone because of its nutrition, and having no meat in our diet also help to improve the environment.
djokernole 1 / 3  
Jun 11, 2020   #2
I am not a contributor but I would like to give some of my thoughts on your essay.
Firstly, I do not really see your second idea relevant to the topic given. The focus of the topic is on human health, not the environment, so your third paragraph must be a bit beside the point.

Besides, you do not even attempt to paraphrase your thesis statement. It is inadvisable to copy the opinion given in your thesis statement, which implies that you have not achieved a high language proficiency.

My suggestion: Although meat contains a high level of nutrition, I personally agree with the idea of a vegetarian and meat-free diet.
The concluding sentence in the second paragraph sounds a bit negative to me. In most cases, it is not recommended to use extreme words like only, single, every, etc because they make your sentence "too" absolute. Try to modify it to make it sound more neutral.

Your conclusion is a bit run-of-the-mill. You should have two sentences in your conclusion (most of the time).
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 12,277 3982  
Jun 15, 2020   #3
On the contrary, you provided a wonderful restatement of the prompt. However, you are short in representation by one sentence. You also provided a direct response to the question, with your supporting reason indicated, which is acceptable as you will be considered to have outlined your response and discussion topics. With that said, you made an error in your discussion paragraphs.

While you stayed on point, presenting reasons that support your claim (Good Work!) When you used the terms "On the one hand" and "On the other hand", the expectation is that you were going to present an opposing discussion in the second presentation. Which you did not do. Therefore, you should not have used those filler phrases in your paragraph.

It is because of the miscommunication that could occur when using filler phrases that I always instruct my students to use topic sentences to start the reasoning paragraphs. By simply stating your opinion at the start, the examiner will see the continuity of your discussion and understand that you have a high level of English comprehension skills and discussion standards.

By the way, you concluding paragraph, it should have 3-5 sentences in it. Not just one sentence, since that is a recap of the discussion, you should properly summarize your presentation in that final paragraph. Having 3-5 sentences in both your paraphrase and concluding paraphrase will help you increase your word count in a positive manner pertaining to the overall scoring consideration.
once0831 2 / 3  
Jun 15, 2020   #4
Hi, I have some suggestion in your essay. Firstly, you should better paraphrase your thesis statement by using synonyms or changing the word form.
secondly, I think your essay has several mistakes: Vegetarian also reduces, many kinds of food, also helps to improve
thienthanh 1 / 2  
Jun 15, 2020   #5
Hi, despite the fact that i am not a contributor, i would say that you might have to consider carefully before using any phrases or vocabulary . It could be really damaged to your essay if you used phrases wrongly regardless of whether those are extremely splendid. Moreover, making your thesis statement more specifically is significant in order to help examiners to get your idea easily.

Anyway keep going and hope that your works will success soon.

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