Unanswered [4] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 2

Verifying the standards of accountability among high school students in special tests


Wilyaftika23 46 / 37 1  
Nov 28, 2016   #1
The bar chart below shows the percentage of students who passed their high school competency exams, by subject and gender, during the period 2010-2011.

A breakdown of the proportion of schoolchild who finished their high school competency exam by type materials and sexes, covered by percent between 2010 and 2011 is revealed in the bar chart. Overall, it can be seen that the girls who finished computer science was the highest proportion at over than 50 percent and the percentage of boys who finished "chemistry" category was smaller than others at 14.1 percent.

To begin with, there were three subjects that students had percentage at above 40 percent. Firstly, the proportion of females who finished "foreign languages" and "mathematics" categories was always one percent higher than for males at 47.4 and 49.2 percent respectively. After that, the proportion of females who finished "computer science" subject was greater than males at 56.3 percent.

On the other hand, there were four type materials that students had proportion at under 40 percent. Firstly, the percentage of boys who finished "physics" and "history" materials was always two until three percent smaller than for the girls at 34.6 and 22.9 percent particularly. Besides, the proportion of females who finished "chemistry" material was twice bigger than for the males (14.1%). Differently, for "geography" material boys more dominated than girls at 30.4 and 20.1 % respectively.


  • question

nurainiyusuf16 47 / 83 6  
Nov 28, 2016   #2
Hello Willy!
Allow me to give you some suggestions!

Percent must follow by number
It should be "covered by percentage between 2010 and 2011 is revealed in the bar chart"

Firstly, the proportion of ...

Firstly, the percentage of ...

Avoid to explain something by using same style of sentences.

one percent higher than the males at 47.4 ...

...was twice bigger than for the males (14.1%).
Hope it helps you :)


Home / Writing Feedback / Verifying the standards of accountability among high school students in special tests