Unanswered [6] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 5


On the video, the most things that Gore emphasize are optimistic and awareness.


Hujjatul19 45 / 70 3  
Sep 16, 2016   #1
Summery TED _ Al Gore - A new thinking on the climate crisis

On the video, the most things that Gore emphasize are optimistic and awareness. We, the inhabitants of the universe, have to use the resources effectively. Let's utilize all that we have, technology, for instance. As what Australian have done. Taking the advantages of television, radio and internet to inform everyone that we are actually in urgent; that our live is on danger. Then, times later, Australian can recover from their drought.

Thus, when everyone, especially young generation, has the sense of the ecology then we can solve the problem. Be an active citizen or the use of CO2 in all countries rockets faster than we think it can. So, we need to move fast and far.
swr10 10 / 16 2  
Sep 16, 2016   #2
Summery --> Summary TED_ Al Gore - A new thinking on the climate crisis

... have to use the resources effectively.
... of television, radio, and the internet to inform (...) that our live --> life is on --> in danger.

--> make a space

Thus, when everyone, especially the young generation, has the sense of the ecology ...
Be an active citizen or the use of CO2 in all countries ...
Ifan21 22 / 24 2  
Sep 16, 2016   #3
Hey Hajjatul
Simple yet great, these words represent how your essay is
but i would tell to correct some mistakes from your essay:

On the video, the most things (don't use thing, it is general in meaning, but if you want to set it you have to take it into singular form 'Thing' ) that Gore emphasize are (is ) optimistic and awareness (it's named parallelism, once you combine the two or more words you have to take it in same category , adj and adj (heroic and energic), etc ).

We, the inhabitants (sound's little bit awkward/weird change it into appropriate word such us people) of the universe, have to use the resources effectively. Let's optimize the utilityof everything we have , technology, for instance.

Taking the advantagees of television, radio and ...

i suggest you to mention CO2 in previous sentence to make correlation between sentence and conclusion, always concern about grammar
Hope all those correction is useful for you guys
Thanks
Best regard
Ifan21
Fira28 6 / 10  
Sep 16, 2016   #4
Hello Hujjatul19, here i left common for you

• Summery (SUMMARY) TED _ Al Gore - A new thinking on the climate crisis.

•On the video, the most things (you shouldn't write "things" as the word is slank) that Gore emphasize ...

•Taking the advantages of television, radio and the internet to inform everyone...

• ... urgent; that our live is onin danger.
eve01 24 / 40 5  
Sep 16, 2016   #5
Hi hujjatul^^

Base on the video, the most thingsthatAl Gore said thatemphasize are optimistic and awareness(I think this sentence making readers unclear. I suggestion you need to make your sentence coherence with others sentence, it looks jumping quickly). (look atWe, the inhabitants of the universe, have to use the resources effectively.

It is better you to writeFor instance technology has helped people around the world, here Australian have been doing modern technology until now in many activities such as electronic media.Let's utilize all that we have, technology,[..] are actually in urgent; that our live is on danger.

Thus, when everyone, especially young generation, has...Lots people particularly for adolescent could learn about ecology, and they would know how to maintenance our environment for long term.

Hope it helps^^


Home / Writing Feedback / On the video, the most things that Gore emphasize are optimistic and awareness.
Writing
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳