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IELTS writing task 2: my view about the usefulness of doctors versus inventors


angga93 42 / 74 20  
Feb 1, 2016   #1
Inventors are not as important to society as doctors. To what extent do you agree whit this statement?

Every occupation has different importance. However, some people argue that compared to doctors, inventors are less important to society. I completely disagree with this view. Although doctors play an important role in society's health, I believe that there are no particular profession that has bigger importance than the others.

It is no doubt that doctors are significant to improve human's health. It relate to their duty to cure diseases, even the most terrifying one. For example, many doctors were involved to tackle ebola pandemic in Africa a couple years ago to prevent the virus spread away freely. In addition, early diagnosis of several other devastating diseases, such as diabetes, cancer and internal organs malfunction are very important because the medical treatment are better to be performed as soon as possible.

However, it is not a good atitude if society forget the effort of inventors. In medical point of view, many of them also contribute a lot to human's quality of life. Without the invention of medical devices, doctors cannot perform their duty properly. For instance, Rwilhelm Rontgen, a german physicst, invented one of the most distiguished medical apparatus and technique which was called the x-ray photography in 1895. His invention has been used by doctors around the world until these days and is very helpful to spot any damages inside a human's body. As a result, more accurate medication process can be applied to ill people so that a lot of lives can be saved. All in all, inventors also play very important role in society.

To sum up, it is evident that inventors' work are as important as the doctors' even it is seen from medical point of view only. It will be good if society can appreciate every professions because it cannot be denied that each one of them has improved their quality of life in a very different way even though some people cannot notice it.
vangiespen - / 4,134 1449  
Feb 1, 2016   #2
Angga, you have a pretty good essay discussion going here. The examples that you used are relevant and easily understandable. There is a clear real relationship between the medical profession and that of being an inventor. Your examples have made your essay not only strong and verifiable, but also informative and analytical in a way.

Regardless of the grammar problems, I do not see this essay as failing in an actual test situation. That is because the discussion that you presented was properly developed and showed a clear line of logic as you developed the paper. If I had to critique any part of this essay, it would have to be the conclusion.

Your conclusion is the least developed of the essay. Containing only 2 sentences, it lacks one more sentence to be considered halfway developed. The information that you present also calls into question whether you are merely summarizing the content of the essay (as required) or if you were uniquely presenting some new and additional information in a part of the essay where you should not be doing that. An improved conclusion will allow you garner an even higher score than this essay currently qualifies for.


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