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Both views betweeen having an enjoyable life and making a lot of money

agus_mono 13 / 23 2  
Apr 3, 2017   #1
Some people argue that it is important to have an enjoyable life than to earn a lot of money. Others disagree and think that a good salary leads to be better life. Discuss both of these views and give your own opinion.

good life vs great money

It is undeniable that life is once and we have to enjoy our life without spending our time in get huge incoming. Others, however, believe that we can get everything if we have so enormous money that most people think that getting much money is important. This essay will try to elaborate both of views with some consideration.

Most people have a belief that by having much money, they can buy whatever they want such as luxury house, expensive car and etc. Furthermore wealthy people can buy whatever to eat, control their health regularly and also visiting wherever they want to visit. However, they have to concentrate on getting a big income, consequently they may work hard and spend much time on it. Otherwise some wealthy people not enjoy both of their life and their jobs. It is clear to sum up that rich people get stress more easily.

On the other hand, happiness cannot be bought by money. Happiness comes depending on the way people think. Although someone has little money, they are happy about it. Taking teachers an example who have small income, they spend more their time in enjoying work rather than do other hedonistic activities. They enjoy their work owing to the fact that they love to do so. it indicates that happiness can be get by enjoy the job even lack of money.

To sum up, money is not guarantee people to get happiness. Although rich people can do more by their money, they cannot totally enjoy their life. Instead, they have to think that what they have is always enough.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 10,630 3477  
Apr 3, 2017   #2
Agus, the essay cannot receive a score higher than a 4 due to the missing elements of the prompt requirement in your response essay. The prompt requirement is clear, you are supposed to accurately discuss both sides, as provided in the topic statement, and then, present your personal opinion regarding the subject being discussed. Your essay did not follow this format. What I saw in your essay was that you failed to signify that you would be discussing your personal point of view by implying what your point of view is in the opening statement. Don't forget that the opening statement needs to have the following elements:

1. The paraphrased topic for discussion;
2. The two sides of the discussion, also paraphrased;
3. Your personal opinion for discussion.

Given the fact that you are expected to present a 5 paragraph essay, covering the paraphrasing, individual discussion of each side (one paragraph each), and your personal opinion, prior to the presentation of the conclusion, it will appear that your essay fell short of the expected discussion. Therefore, your task accuracy score was severely pulled down.

There are also the grammar problems in the your essay such as the incoherent first sentence. Instead of saying "incoming", the proper term would have been "income". Income means money received while incoming means something that is arriving or coming in. Such a lexical resource mistake also resulted in more points deducted from your overall score.

So, aside from the mistaken discussion presentation, the use of "and" along with "etc." in a single sentence also created a lower grammar accuracy score for you. This is an academic essay so you should never use the word "and" along with "etc." in a single sentence. That is academically improper. Always write complete thoughts in order to keep the reader properly informed. Etc. means "and so on and so forth", which is an academically acceptable term. That is more suited towards casual writing.

I hope that you can avoid this mistakes in your next essays. Be aware of the mistakes that you made in this essay and make sure that you do not repeat the mistakes in your next practice test.

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