Unanswered [16] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 2

IELTS Task 1 : The village of Stokerford (Map)


tiaDS 73 / 235 52  
May 1, 2015   #1
The map illustrates the main changes that have occurred in the village of Stokerford between 1930 and 2010, over a 70-year period. The most noticeable change is the replace of cattle farmlands with several major of residential zones.

According to the map in 1930, the housing areas only located in the middle of the village which were 10 houses. However, in 2010, there were urbanized with many houses along the main road. Moreover, the area of large house and garden was situated near by primary school in 1930 while in 2010, that area was modernized as the Retirement home.

A closer look at the picture shows that shops which were located in the beside of post office, in 2010, had been replaced by houses although post office as the public facility had stood at the same position. Meanwhile, primary school was extended with two new buildings in the east of the main building. Interestingly, the main road which was running from the north to the south of village in 1930. 2010 were built some branches of roads which connected to housing areas and retirement house.




lcturn87 - / 435 236  
May 1, 2015   #2
I hope you can make these changes to explain the diagram better.

1st paragraph: Change replace to replacement. Also, you want to end the last sentence as, "major residential zones".

2nd paragraph: There is a repetition of describing houses. I'm unsure if these are located in the middle of the village too. However, you could state in the first sentence that, "there were 10 houses located in the village". Don't use housing areas! Also, I wouldn't use the term urbanized. You could simply state that the area shifted or changed from rural to urban, and there were many more houses along the main road. When you discuss the large house, garden, and retirement home I think you should change the format.

Start one sentence as: Moreover, in 1930, the large house and garden was situated nearby a primary school.

The next sentence, you can use a transition word. Follow this same format to discuss how the area where they existed turned into a retirement home.

Ex: However, in 2010, the area...

3rd paragraph: This first sentence is too confusing. The date should be 1930 because this is when the shops were located by the post office. I think you are trying to give too much information in one sentence. If you make it simple, it will be easier to explain. The next sentence just change: "to the east of the main building". Delete "which" and add "the" before 1930 in the next sentence. This last sentence needs to be explained better. Don't begin the sentence with 2010. You can begin it with, "However, in 2010". It looks like the roads made it easier to access the areas you discuss.

Good work! This was a tricky diagram to discuss!


Home / Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1 : The village of Stokerford (Map)