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Task 2: Violence in the media promotes violence in society. To what extent do you agree?

Maya29 14 / 18 14  
Apr 22, 2016   #1
These recent days, several kinds of media such as television programs and movies are stated as the promoting agent of violent case in society, especially for children. I believe to the statement that such programs have high potency to develop an aggressive act in the society like hurting their friends although it can also brings merit to them like increasing their awareness sense.

The first is the main benefits from having a rough film. Firstly, one of the biggest causes of bullying is fear to the others and those kind of furious films can improve their self-confidence and learn self-defence. For the example, in Naruto, a Japanese animation which shows a good ninja as the hero, provides a fighting scheme if only his friend is disturbed by bad guys. In this case, they are taught to be brave standing for good sake and face their problem bravely. They also can increase awareness in lives. Film such as Hunger Game teaches us that a good strategy and preparation is needed to avoid bad luck. Therefore, if the films are enjoyed at the right amount of time and be guided by the parents, it can be an important learning source for them.

On the other hand, we also cannot deny that furious actions in the movies can bring bad effect on he character building of a child. In this case, children in the age of 16 to 18 years-old are still in the search of their identity stage and have no strong character to filter what they see or hear. The American Psychological Association stated that there are three major effects of those kinds of media. First, our young generations may become less sensitive of the pain or suffering of others. They also may be more afraid of surroundings and more likely to behave in an aggressive or hurtful ways towards others. Consequently, rough media can affect children's character in a bad way.

The aforementioned evidence reveals that although aggressive media can become good learning source, children get more drawbacks from watching them. Thus, parent's guidance is important to build young generation's attitude.
nabila05 8 / 12  
Apr 22, 2016   #2
Hi, Maya. I find your writing is simple, easy to read, and understandable. However, I want to give you some corrections to help you enhance your writing.

- promoting agent of a violent case
- I believe to the statement thatof such programs
- it can also brings merit
- and those kinds of furious
- brave standing for the good sake
- less sensitive ofto the pain

There you have it, Maya. I hope the corrections are useful and helpful to your revision. Keep writing and good luck :)
justivy03 - / 2,366 607  
Apr 22, 2016   #3
Hi Maya, I would like to share some insights on your essay by adding a few remarks for the first 2 paragraphs of the essay.

- the promoting agent of violent caseviolence
- in the society,
- I believe to the statement that such
- programs have high potencypotential to

- The first is the main benefits
- fromof having a rough film.
- Firstly , one of the biggest
- is fear to the others
- and learn self-defens e.
- For the example,
- a fighting schemescene if
- to be brave, standing for
- They also can also increase
- awareness in our lives.
- Films such as
- Hunger Games teaches

There you have it Maya, I hope the corrections shared above help you in your essay revision. One thing that you have to be cautious about is your word forms, you have to make sure that the words you input in your sentences are the right words that depict the ideas that you are trying to convey in your readers.

Home / Writing Feedback / Task 2: Violence in the media promotes violence in society. To what extent do you agree?