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Violence is never a real solution to a political crisis. (MCAT written topic)


flavia03 7 / 9  
Jul 7, 2010   #1
Hello everyone,

I am studying for the MCAT (Medical College Admission Test), and I need help with improving my writing style. Please give me any suggestions on how can I get a higher score on the essay portion. One of the essays I have written so far is below.

Thank you, and I greatly appreciate your efforts.

In a political crisis, an unwarranted display of force is often the first reaction in trying to reach a solution, much as a tantrum is the first reaction when a child fails to get his way. However, if anything is to be resolved, aggression in itself is not the favorable solution. While violence may have an immediate effect on a crisis, it does not solve the entirety of the crisis. It may briefly gain control over the situation, but the roots are still there and may begin again once the violence has passed. For instance, a war crisis may be resolve by sending troops to the respective country. Once bombarded, the respective attackers will cease, only until new equipment is built in order to ignite once again. Thus, violence as a first hand attach was not the solution to the situation.

Certainly there are situations where violence seems justified. Terrorists' acts of violence must sometimes be curtailed with brutality when negotiations have failed. Similar attitude is approached in defense from offensive military maneuvers. However, violence in and by itself is not a full solution. For example, the bombing in Hiroshima was views by some as the only solution to a long and blood war. Yet this act of destructiveness in a violent political crisis has left drastic scars on all of humanity. It further pushed the world to develop nuclear weapons which has led to deeper political situations - some too dangerous to the planet to be resolved by brutality.

Still violence in itself is not a real solution to a political crisis, but it can be an effective step in reaching a resolution. On that alone, one can say that it is justifiable. Nonetheless, violence in itself can lead to a bigger conflict. Even though, violence can play a vital part toward achieving a real obduracy of hostilities.

vaishali1980 26 / 83  
Jul 7, 2010   #2
In a political crisis, an unwarranted display of force is often the first reaction in trying to reach a solution, much as a tantrum is the first reaction when a child fails to get his way

Break this statement in small sentences and make it simple.
Azeri 10 / 137  
Jul 8, 2010   #3
Hi, Laura

Terrorists' acts of violence must sometimes be curtailed with brutality when negotiations fail - It proved to be ineffective too. Violent opposition to terrorists leads to their firmer and more agressive resistance. The more terrorists are pursued and annihilated, the more persistent they become :(

For example, the bombing of Hiroshima was viewed by some as the only solution to a long and bloody war.

your english is very good, but the essays lacks consistency. your point is not clear to me: do you advocate violence or completely refute it? I think, you ought to choose one side
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,337 129  
Jul 9, 2010   #4
I love that first sentence!
However, if anything is to be resolved, aggression in itself is not the favorable solution. ---- When you say 'aggression in itself' it means 'aggression alone,' so you seem to be saying aggression alone is not enough. What you actually should say is this:

However, if anything is to be truly resolved, aggression in itself is not the favorable solution.

...the situation, but the roots are still there and may begin again once the violence has passed. ---end the first paragraph here. This is your thesis statement. Let it be the end of the first para. Start para #2 with this:

For instance, a war crisis may be resolved by sending troops to the respective affected country.

Let the last sentence of an essay's first paragraph be the thesis statement that gives the main idea, and let the first sentence of every body paragraph be a topic sentence that tells the main idea of that paragraph.

Each paragraph = one small idea.
Each essay = one big idea made of paragraphs.

:-)
ripoff - / 1  
Jul 21, 2010   #5
My suggestion ... don't rip off the horrible essay in the Kaplan book. Seriously, you actually copied and paraphrased the essay that received a 4 ... a 4 that should have been a 3. Good luck during the actual exam when you cannot copy a mediocre essay. I don't like being rude, but wow!
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,337 129  
Jul 24, 2010   #6
Hi Ripoff, I don't see this material online anywhere, and it seems to be original as far as I can tell. Do you mean to say the essay is a paraphrasing of something that already exists? If so, that is okay, too, because we are trying to improve our skill.

I definitely appreciative of your input, though, and I hope you'll keep participating in essayforum! :-)

What is most important to us is that we do not want anyone to commit plagiarism or post any material that appears elsewhere online. :-)


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