Unanswered [29] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 3


Violence on television and in computer games has a damaging effect on society. IELTS


Hung 3 / 2  
Aug 22, 2015   #1
Please give me some feedbacks. Thank you!

PROMPT: Some people believe that violence on television and in computer games has a damaging effect on society. Others deny that these have any significant influence on people's behaviour. What is your opinion?

Modern television and computer games contain much more graphic violence. While many people criticize that this development is responsible for violent behaviours in society, I believe that this argument is weak.

Critics argue that violent film and video games are the cause of anti-social acts. The reason for this is that violent media desensitize viewers or players to violence and teach children that violence is an acceptable way to resolve conflicts. Controversy has erupted since an increase of the number of school shooting cases. One example is the story of Adam Lanza, who shot 26 pupils in a primary school in the US. The newspapers claimed that the cause of his mass shooting seems to relate with playing computer games.

In contrast, advocates who largely disagree with this idea say that violent video games may reduce social violence by providing a safe outlet for aggressive and angry feelings. They also argue that antagonist's arguments which blame crime for video games are not supported by data. While it is undeniable that consumption of violent media increase dramatically every year, researchers also clearly demonstrate that the rate of youth violence is in a long-term downward trend. In addition, there is no positive connection between using violent media and illegal activities in social life.

In conclusion, although there are different points of view on the effects of violent media on human acts, from the outlined reasons above I strongly believe that graphic violence on films and computer games does not have any significant damaging effect on society.
eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1,208 476  
Aug 22, 2015   #2
Let me rewrite your intro and conclusion so as that they form a line with the prompt given.
Media shows growing violence. As such, some people argue that large-scale violence in TV and computer are more likely to transform dire effects to society. While it is utterly acceptable, I believe that most people are so apathetic about media reports.

The aforementioned evidence shows that electronic media could shape one's perspectives. Although TV and computer may lead in violent behaviors, it is claimed that some people become less sensitive to the reports of these electronic devices. It is imperative that showing graphic detailed violence in media should not be allowed.

Hope this helps, eddy suaib.
Bayuwibowo 48 / 73 21  
Sep 1, 2015   #3
Hi Hung, let me rewrite the introduction

In this contemporary era, the media such as television and video game present violence, and this certain program bring the detrimental effect to the society. However some people believe that is convinced, In my opinion that media reports are nonsense.


Home / Writing Feedback / Violence on television and in computer games has a damaging effect on society. IELTS
Writing
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳