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Writing task 2: Should violent criminals' personal information be made available to the public?

Heo Nguyen 1 / -  
Jan 28, 2023   #1
Some people believe that the personal information of violent criminals should be made available to the public. Others think that this information should be protected.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

It is a common belief that violent criminals' identities should be kept confidential from the public to make people feel a sense of safety about the society they are living in and support the rehabilitation of criminals after their prison time. However, there is a more persuasive argument that such information needs to be publicized so that people can be well aware of and protect themselves from potential risks.

On the one hand, keeping people from knowing about the personal details of criminals will help these individuals to reintegrate back into society more quickly and easily. Without the prejudice of surrounding people about what they had done in the past, criminals will not encounter stigmatization or experience low self-esteem, which might prevent them from living a normal life after their sentences. More specifically, according to Tuoitre Newspaper, a prestigious newspaper in Vietnam, after two years of enacting the law of not revealing criminal records for individuals seriously performing criminal rehabilitation programs, the rate of criminals reintegrating successfully in this country increased significantly by 10% in 2020.

Nevertheless, I support the point of view that the public should be updated with the personal details of illegal individuals. This not only contributes to the safety of people because it allows them to proactively recognize the presence of criminals in the places they come to, then protect themselves from potential violent behaviors. On top of that, police forces will be supported hugely by citizens in capturing violent criminals if they publicize information about criminals. Why can this action be so helpful? The U.S. government could not have arrested the most dangerous wanted terrorist successfully in 2002 if they had not aired his portrait image on TV programs on daily basis. One of the residents ran into the terrorist in a hotel where he was hiding at that time, immediately, the criminal was reported to a local police station.

To sum up, although it is apparent that choosing not to reveal the personal information of criminals is an effective way to support the rehabilitation of criminals, it is undeniable that updating society with this kind of information will contribute to protecting the safety of people.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 13,873 4563  
Jan 28, 2023   #2
It is a common belief

A "common belief" cannot be used as an alternate reference to "Some people believe". The reason? When you say "common" it indicates, by definition; an adjective that refers to a universal, widespread, or general knowledge. The "universal" aspect of the definition contradicts the "some" reference in the original. This incorrect word usage will negatively affect your LR score. Be careful of your word usage because incorrect meaning will change the way the thought is viewed and will pull down not only your LR, but also your C+C and GRA scores.

Your first paragraph is incomplete and will result in additional task deductions. While the prompt restatement was represented to the best of your writing ability, you neglected to present your personal opinion as necessary for the task. It clearly states that you must discuss your opinion. Therefore, it is a required part of the writer's opinion as a part of the thesis statement or reasoning basis for the discussion of your personal opinion.

The way the essay is written, the reasoning paragraphs must number a maximum of 3. That is, you must equally discuss the 2 public opinions prior to the presentation of your personal opinion. Your personal opinion must clearly be cohesive enough to connect to one of the 2 public opinions. The lack of the 2nd public opinion discussion and sudden jump to your personal opinion will result in this essay being scored as an incomplete discussion persentation.

This is not a bad start to the practice essays. However, you need to become more familiar with the 2 types of approaching this comparative discussion essay. Samples below should help you become clearer about how to develop this type of discussion prompt. Just click on Similar Discussions [+] to see similar presentations from previous exam takers.
Camtu25 2 / 3  
Feb 4, 2023   #3
Regarding the introduction, it is my view that you should not mention your personal opinion since this essay is the "discuss both views" type. Instead, you could write "There is indeed a strong case to be made for both sides which will be discussed now", then mention your viewpoints later in the conclusion (the last paragraph).

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