** A five paragraph essay; if violent video games should be banned or not. **
Video games are out there, so one way or another; children will get a hold of them. If video games are banned they will be sold in an underground market. This could add on to the safety of today's youth.
The video game industry has been one of the few to be able to escape the economic crises. Keeping the video games alive helps the economy, since taxes are paid when we buy them. They create lots of jobs in this tough economic situation. There has all ready been lots of time and work put into video games. Why not put them to good use?
Studies have shown that when video games are put into hospitals patience tend to be concentrating more on the video game than their pain. This helps patients get a relief from pain, when pain can be at its most horrible state. They also can help with problem solving. Giving you more options on how to get out of the most difficult situations you can imagine. Have you ever wondered what would happen if you tried a daring stunt? A video game can help you get a better idea, so you do not hurt yourself trying.
The Entertainment Software Rating Board (ESRB) helps the community by rating video games, although this has never been proven to work efficiently. Just like ratings for cable television and movie rentals, kids find away to see them. Parents should be able to judge when determining if their kid can tell from, real life or virtual reality.
Do video games cause more violence at home or in the streets because of its content? If video games were banned, would kids be bored and cause more violence? Kids should be learning about video games in their schools and the effects that they can have on them. This would help parents and society out, since video games are here to stay.
i like your essay. i have just made one change.
patience tend to be concentrating more on the video game than their pain.... u can write it like this also it plays a role by diverting patients mind from pain.
otherwise an excellent essay:)
Thank you mithsal !! I could not think of a good way to take care of that run on sentence, your idea makes more since. I should make a decent grad on it now!
The first paragraph includes a strong argument, but it ends abruptly.
Let's look at the end of that paragraph:
This Such a development could add more dangers to the experience of today's youth. (Now add one sentence that gives the MAIN IDEA of the whole essay.
Do video games cause more violence at home or in the streets because of
its their content? If video games were...
Try to include at least 4 sentences in each paragraph. Make sure the first sentence of each paragraph is a TOPIC SENTENCE that tells the main idea of the paragraph. (You wrote some good topic sentences!)
Most importantly, make sure the main idea of each paragraph supports the main idea of the essay. You need to add a sentence to the end of that first paragraph, and make it a thesis statement that tells the main idea of the whole essay.
Thank you Kevin for you comments. I need to learn how to get my essays out sooner, because my teacher gave me the same recommendations as you did. Although I still made a pretty high grad. I just wish I would have posted my essay sooner to get good feed back like you gave me !