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By virtue of upgraded medical health care, individuals have longer longevity as a result...

mainguyengoc2908 2 / 4 1  
Oct 4, 2018   #1
Task 2: One of the consequences of improved medical care is that people are living longer and life expectancy is increasing. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

Improving medical care?

By virtue of upgraded medical health care, individuals have longer longevity as a result. Although this development has some positive consequences, I am of the opinion that its drawbacks are more significant.

On the one hand, it is believed that great medical care can bring some positive outcomes to people for some justifications. Firstly, it is undeniable that the quality of medical care plays an important role in people's health. For instance, two patients with the same disease but anyone cared by a better medical treatment might have chances to recuperate faster than the other. Secondly, regions or countries which have modern medical treatments can have more opportunities to develop their economic. In fact, foreigners or people from other areas might be attracted by this modern system and they can be willing to pay at high price to be served.

On the other hand, I am in favor of the idea that drawbacks of this development surpass the benefits. One reason for this view is that rising life expectancy can lead to grow up the rate of old population which might be not good for economic development. For example, a lack of young people who are primary labors in the future in Japan is one of the outcomes of population aging process. Another compelling reason for the idea is that people tend to rely on their modern medical care system instead of improving their health or keeping their body healthy by themselves. As a result, they might be less responsible and not take initiative with their health.

In conclusion, it seems to me that the disadvantages of this problem are more remarkable than the advantages.

Holt [Contributor] - / 8,989 2700  
Oct 5, 2018   #2
Mai, the approach to this essay is for the writer to develop a singular point of view response to the question. The instruction asks the writer to discuss whether the advantages of improved healthcare is more considerable when compared to its disadvantages. In order to write this topic, you first need to consider the question, what you know about the topic, and which side you can better discuss. The side you pick for this discussion has to be based on your personal opinion and knowledge.

While you did use your personal opinion when you wrote the essay, you failed to pick a side to totally represent in the essay. Therefore, your answer is only partially correct or tangential in response. You must remember that when you opinion is being asked for or, when you are being asked to agree or disagree with a given statement, you must only provide a 4 paragraph essay focused on your defense of the side you opt to discuss. The 4 paragraphs will cover:

1. Prompt paraphrase with your choice indicated in the thesis statement.
2. An explanation of why you support the side.
3. A fully developed example in relation to your beliefs
4. Concluding paragraph

A simple presentation as outlined above will make it easier for you to discuss the essay. By using only one point of view, you will allow yourself a little extra time to revise and edit the essay for content and presentation so that you can get a better overall score.
lnan95 1 / 2  
Oct 6, 2018   #3
paragraph two
develop their economic -> economy
this modern system -> If I were you, I would use 'these advanced therapies'. I don't think 'this modern system' is a good pronoun for 'modern medical treatments'

paragraph three
lead to grow up the rate of -> growing

Besides, it's kinda weird, becaues ,in my opinion, the example about japan you used can only embody the result of the low birth rate in Japan instead of longer life expectancy.

I'm not native speaker, but I hope it will help you.

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