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My visit to a beautiful place (Hyderabad in India)


stephenie 3 / 10  
Sep 1, 2012   #1
This is my essay for my school article. I'll be highly obliged if anyone helps.

The busy city life often abandon's one from the nature's inevitable beauty. Eventhough me & my family do not get quality of time to spend with each other but we enjoy each and every minute we get to it's fullest.

Once I visited Hyderabad in India with my parents and grandparents. Later my cousins joined us there. I cherish those memories and time spent with my family till date. I visited and saw many beautiful places. I visited a lake known as 'Husain Sagar'. It was such a beauty with a statue of ' Gautam Buddha' built in the midst which enhanced it's beauty. The city is decorated with trees and greeneries which adds to it's freshness and makes the climate very easily adaptable. The food is also very different in the city and also the nature of people which is very humble and sweet. I visited a garden called 'Lubini Park' which had been really adventurous not only for me but also for all those people who were with me. It was indeed a memorable visit. I visited it with my uncle and cousins. It was an unplanned visit which saved our lives. We weren't to visit the park but the lazer show instead, but changed our minds because my uncle insisted. It was only then we came to know about the blast fiasco, which had occured the exact moment when we changed our minds to Lubini Park at the eleventh hour, when we returned back home on a news channel. Ofcourse it was a stroke of luck which saved our lives.

One more adventure which I had in the same town when I guided my grandpa home. Actually it was a fine morning in Hyderabad, me and my grandfather started for a walk since my grandfather loves to have walks. It was a indeed a wonderful walk with him as he told me his old stories and experiences. We enjoyed the cold breeze and the misty air. But soon in our amusement we lost our way and got confused. The town was new for both of us and we didn't knew where to go or which way to take. But since I've been quite observing, I knew some landmarks to our house. And so I guided him the way and soon we were enjoying breakfast with my family and sharing our adventurous walk.

We also visited India's most famous filmcity known as 'Ramoji Filmcity'. The visit had been my time of life which I spent with my cousins and family. We had many rides, learned how things work at bollywood and other things too. They also demonstrated how they bombard a building in films and how they create false houses and villages for shootings. They were having all a virtual world made up in their area which we toured through a bus. We visited a magic cum ghost house which was really hilarious and scary as well. They have very well built 3D and featured rides too, from which one is 'Ramoji Tower'. One feels as if the whole filmcity is being attacked by some terrorists or something when you ride it's elevator which is really outstandingly featured 3D view with the whole city being perished in front of your eyes but soon your eyes decieve you when you come out of the tower, as everything's fine as normal. The tower was the best part of my whole visit to the film city.

I always cherish my visit to Hyderabad and wish to visit once again in my life time.

This is my write which I've got to submit in tommorow's class. I need an urgent help. Any help will be appreciable. Thanking yoy in anticipation!

AbdC95 - / 4  
Sep 1, 2012   #2
Lovely essay, though I think you can write a better introductory paragraph.

Would appreciate it if you could check my work :)
amitt - / 80  
Sep 1, 2012   #3
Comment: #2: Comment: [/b]"Eventhough me & my family do not get quality of time to spend with each other but we enjoy each and every minute we get to it's fullest." this sentence irks me

"We weren't to visit the park but the lazer show instead, but changed our minds because my uncle insisted." this too

"It was only then we came to know about the blast fiasco, which had occured the exact moment when we changed our minds to Lubini Park at the eleventh hour, when we returned back home on a news channel" this too

One more adventure which I had in the same town when I guided my grandpa home. Actually it was a fine morning in Hyderabad, me and my grandfather started for a walk since my grandfather loves to have walks[/b ] this too

[b]It was a indeed a wonderful walk with him as he told me his old stories and experiences.
- It is upto you to decide but it can be frame like this : We really enjoyed walking together & meanwhile while walking my grandfather shared his personal experiences & old true stories which can guide us how to live our life in proper manner for example be always a good planner before executing some thing like this...

"it's elevator which is really outstandingly featured 3D view with the whole city being perished in front of your eyes but soon your eyes decieve you when you come out of the tower, as everything's fine as normal" this too
OP stephenie 3 / 10  
Sep 1, 2012   #4
I'm really sorry Amit but I didn't actually catch up with what you're trying to teach. I mean just pointing that something 'irks' you doesn't actually helps a person. Well anyway thanks for your precious comment...

@amit:
It would be so kind of u if u suggest me a new introductory part. Thank u
ace 5 / 66 5  
Sep 1, 2012   #5
We weren't to visit the park

Not grammatical correct?

Ofcourse it was

There is no such word as 'ofcourse.' Plus - there should be a comma, so: "Of course, it was..."
OP stephenie 3 / 10  
Sep 1, 2012   #6
Thanks a ton ace you are a gr8 help.
amitt - / 80  
Sep 1, 2012   #7
Stephenie, the sentence formation by you marked in red by me seems to me incorrect.The sentence marked in blue was corrected by me besides that marked sentence.

It will be fine if you read red sentence you will come to know what mistakes you did. I can understand your feelings while writing those sentence but your teacher will never.

Irks means - annoying/irritating
Thanks
OP stephenie 3 / 10  
Sep 1, 2012   #8
Actually I know what you meant by your bolded letters but the thing is one must point out what's 'irking' you in the given sentence. That'll be more specific I guess. I know the meaning of irking already, you needn't define it. Thank you


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