Too much emphasis has been put on going to university for academic study. We should encourage more people to receive vocational training because of the needs for tradespeople like plumbers and electricians. To what extent do you agree?
There is a surge in demand for tradesmen, whereas even with increasingly high pay, few people are willing to join in, as they are busy enrolling for universities. For me, I strongly agree that many people should receive vocational training instead of academic study.
As a matter of fact, people are born to excel at different things. Some folks are expert at hands-on practice, while others are good at theory and logical thinking, and they should be put in the right place to fully realise their potential. However, some talents for building things are sent to university for theoretical study, which is a total waste of their gifts.
Besides, there has been an alarming trend that people who obtained a degree from university enjoy higher social status. As a consequence, numeric parents desire to send their children to university, and the higher education nowadays has become an industry for earning money rather than educating people. The social status of a person is expected to be evaluated by the contribution he has made to the society, not by a degree.
On the other hand, academic education has its own positive impact on the society that it improves the overall quality of the students and instructs them to lead a wiser life.
To summarise, in recent years, a large number of unsuitable people went to university, causing a great waste and imbalance between supply and demand for tradespeople. People should make their choices between vocational training and academic study after full consideration to their particular conditions to unlock their true potential.
Hi JanFan, I finished reviewing your essay and here's to start with my observation.
You manage to come up with a well written essay, the words that you choose to express your ideas are incredibly well picked, this also transitions to the rest of the essay, the flow of the sentences is very crucial as this will carry the idea you are trying your readers to understand.
However, I believe the presentation of the essay can still be enhanced by merging the small paragraphs and make them bolder as well as keep it in a minimum number of paragraphs. I suppose in this essay, 3 paragraphs should be sufficient.
Furthermore, your essay is easy to comprehend, this is because you kept it simple and straight forward. Well, I agree, that before making a decision, full consideration should be done, weighing options and seeking answers to your questions are a must in order to come up with a well rounded decision.
I hope my insights helped.
Hi JanVan! Nice essay to read. Many new vocabularies I can learn from you. I tempt to give you some alternatives way in your writing, hopefully it can be useful.
1. For me, I strongly agree that manypeople (you repeated the same word in one paragraph, you can paraphrase it with 'students graduated from secondary school' ) should receive vocational training instead of academic study.
2. On the other hand, academic education has its own positive impact on the society that it improves the overall quality of the students and instructs them to lead a wiser life. --> 1 paragraph only consist of 1 sentence (my suggsetion: you can add the supporting sentence(s), example, result, and conclusion )
