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Should voluntary community service be compulsory?


Bessinger 2 / 5 1  
May 11, 2013   #1
Hi, guys. This is my second one. Give me your feedbacks. Thank you in advance.

In the globalized society, educationalists and experts and believe that a wide range of voluntary activities should be a priority programme in high school. However some parents and students do not support such a policy, there many benefits such a programme for teenagers' socialization and our society.

There are reasons why some patients are reluctant that teenagers participate in unpaid service. First and foremost, they strongly believe studying and focusing on lessons are essential responsibilites for students. In addition, high school year is beginning of students future career resulting in they have to opt their studying field. Moreover, most programmes of high school contain more scientific approach and test that require a great deal of concentration, self-study and time from them.

Nevertheless, voluntary activities' develop not only teenagers' personality in many ways but also make our society more peaceful. Firs of all, teenagers are very sensitive in positive and negative things so that voluntary activities orientate them to good deed. Moreover , their overlook of life would alter in positive ways, which help them to understand value of kindness, generousity and patience that more important than money.

To conclude, unpaid service should be compulsory in high school program me that change positively teenagers' behavior resulting in they know value of life.

hahong 6 / 11 5  
May 11, 2013   #2
educationalists and experts and believe that

there many benefits

--->there are many benefits of

There are reasons why some patients

----> parents

voluntary activities' develop not only teenagers' personality

----> not only develop

their overlook of life

---> "overtook" is a verb and you can't use it after "their"
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
May 11, 2013   #3
In the globalized society, educationalists and experts and believe that a wide range of voluntary activities should be a priority programme in high school.

.... say why it should be given priority, otherwise it sounds vague;
In the globalized world, educationalists and experts believe that voluntary activities have an important role to play in students' development and should be given priority in high school education programs.

However some parents and students do not support such a policy,there many benefits such a programme for teenagers' socialization and our society.

... First, why you specify "parents and students" ? There can be more people who are not students or parents who do not approve this idea. So, leave it more general and do not specify. Also, the second part is very confusing. What do you try to mean?

However, some sections in society do not support this view and believe they do not positively contribute to students' progress.
OP Bessinger 2 / 5 1  
May 11, 2013   #4
Thank you so much.
OP Bessinger 2 / 5 1  
May 11, 2013   #5
Thank you so much :))
shaddy 17 / 47 7  
May 12, 2013   #6
There are reasons why some patients are reluctant that teenagers participate in unpaid service

There are some reasons why some parents feel reluctant towards the participation of their children in unpaid work.

Firs of all, teenagers are very sensitive in positive and negative things so that voluntary activities orientate them to good deed

First of all, teenagers behaviour can be turned to a useful manner by encouraging them in voluntary activities.

Moreover , their overlook of life would alter in positive ways

Moreover, they would be exposed to learn from the lives of others....

That are some sentences which I altered thinking that they would be clear if they are used in this way.
OP Bessinger 2 / 5 1  
May 12, 2013   #7
It is so useful, thanks a lot:))


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