Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of highschool programmes (for example working for a charity, improving the neighborhood or teaching sports to younger children.
To what extent you agree and disagree ?
Pros and cons have occurred to make student volunteering as one of main part in high school programmes. Some people say it is recommended while some others argue this points of view. In this essay, I tend to agree with this idea since volunteerism could give a sense to care with others and train a softskill of highschool students.
Taking part in social activity make students take an attention to others who need help. This is because they will feel another people who have a sorrow life and try to making an improvement of their lives with a sustainable term of action. As an example when in the university, I directed a program which named Sambang Deso. Sambang Deso was a program where our team need lived in a village in 2 weeks and try to analyze a solutions for villagers uneducated problem with a highly poverty rate. We implemented an solution along 2013 and generated an impact to them with built a library and taught a good system of irrigation for their paddyfield. It was an evidence that develop a poor and uneducated person will accustom student to be a caring people.
Gain a sofkills is an addition to convict that volunteerism is a positive way to be a crucial part of highschool programmes. A most acceptable reason is being a volunteer make them either to teach children or to solve a social epidemic. For instance, one of my friend in sambaing deso project (Our Project Assistant) at the moment become a Corporate Social Responsibility staff in his company. Eventhough Sambang Deso was a minor social project, he told me it made an enormous improvement for him. He told me that one of the reason he was accepted by the company were had a highly skills to design a program and also make a solution to social problem. It is one of another argumentation if an unpaid community service have developed our capability in general.
To conclude, I acquiesce that to be a volunteers in social project have a many benefit, a convinced argument is to escalate their support to another people lives also developing their soft skills time by time.
Furqanda, welcome to EssayForum :) This is the place where you can freely share your ideas and thoughts about other members' essays, as long as it is meaningful and not meaningless feedback. Then, you definitely will enhance your writing skills if you keep on practicing in this forum.
With regards to your essay, I think you still need a lot of works to be done, especially in grammatical accuracy and punctuation. You can check my corrections below.
- These days, pros and cons have occurred.. (unclear time signal, so I add one)
- Some people say it is recommended, while some others arguerejectthisthesepoints of views
- I tend topersonally/firmly/strongly agree with this idea, (comma) since... (instead of ONLY stating your intention, it is better to state it clearly)
- ...volunteerism couldcan give a sense of careto care, especially with others andin order to train a soft skill ofin a high school.
- ...students takepay an attention...
- This is because, they will... (comma needed)
- As anFor example , 2 years ago when I were still studying in the university... (unclear time signal)
- ...our team needhave to livelived
- We implemented ana solution...
- ...with builtby building a library and taughtteaching a good system.. (you can use gerund)
- for their paddyfieldrice field.
- It was anthe evidence that developing ...
These grammatical problems were unfortunately reduced communication. Some of your sentences are quite ambiguous and confusing. My suggestion is that, you have to compose a sentence that you think 100% it is correct, since this is also one of the four essential parts in IELTS scoring. Your score will fall to band 5.0 if you keep doing this one for the next practice. This is what band 5.0 said in Writing band Descriptors of IELTS task 2:
- attempts complex sentences but these tend to be less accurate than simple sentences
- may make frequent grammatical errors and punctuation may be faulty; errors can cause some difficulty for the reader
Therefore, you need to do your best for the next practice. I hope my feedback will be valuable for your future enhancement in writing.
Good Luck :)
