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Vulnerable social groups like youth and elders need social welfare system - IELTS


agi 13 / 30 4  
Feb 15, 2014   #1
Please feel free to comment on this.

Essay topic: Government should not have to provide care or financial support for elderly people because it is the responsibility of each person to prepare for retirement and support him or herself. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Vulnerable social groups like youth and elders need social welfare system because it is hard to support themselves. However, some people believe that in the capitalist society, individuals should bear all own personal matters of finance and care, and any government-funded assistant program for elders should be lifted. I totally disagree with this viewpoint and in this essay, i will explore why it is necessary to support elders financially and personally.

To begin with, there are lack of special community area for elders except retirement home. When people retired, they no longer communicate with work colleagues. As a result, they feel desperate and worthless to society and stays at home for whole day doing nothing. So old-age home plays a prominent role for socializing elders. if government financing include those retirement house's cost to state budget, financial burden for backing those community on elder's should gets rid of.

Second, respectfulness to elders should not be neglected because everyone gets older. There are a high number of elders who do not have children to support them for whatever reasons. Due to increasing price of main commodity and housing fee and less petition fee, elders get more burden with their pocket. In this case, Government funding would receive public applause.

Nevertheless, There are strong discouragement about government backed-retirement house and other financial supporting programs. Fund for elders comprises a considerable part of nation's budget. Did it have other important area finance needed like education and public health. Moreover, Young people are highly likely to work less serious once their future is less risky with state assistance.

In the conclusion, I am strongly convinced that elder should be cared and financially supported with government programs.

dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Feb 15, 2014   #2
First, I have a small admin request - I found this essay in Essay Term paper forum. However, this should have been opened in the Writing Feedback forum. Make sure all your IELTS threads be opened there :D

. However, some people believe that in thecapitalist society,

.... your prompt does not talk about under what sort of regimes this view is held. So, do not narrow down the scope of your prompt. When you are introducing the background of the prompt, try to preserve its original sense without interpreting it differently.
OP agi 13 / 30 4  
Feb 16, 2014   #3
capitalist
SHanafi 120 / 415 93  
Feb 16, 2014   #4
totally disagree with this viewpoint and in this essay,

no verb

there areis lack of special community area for elders except retirement home.

When people retired, they no longer communicate with work colleagues.

I conjunction need 2 verbs
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Feb 16, 2014   #5
Second, respectfulness to elders should not be neglected because everyone gets older.

This is pretty confusing and fails to convey your idea to the reader clearly :(
Second, the old age is a natural phenomenon that everybody has to face someday. Therefore we need to look at this issue from a more humane angle.

There are a high number of elders who do not have children to support them for whatever reasons.

There are many elders who do not have the support from their children for various reasons.


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