Unanswered [1] / Urgent [0] / SERVICES

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 3

WATER POLUTION - a major concern for people who seek to protect the environment

Ekaputri17 6 / 12 7  
Mar 11, 2019   #1


Pollution of rivers, lakes, and seas is a major concern for people who seek to protect the environment. What are the causes of water pollution? And what effects does this have on animal life and human society?

Water bodies such as rivers, lakes, and seas are suffered by toxic pollutants coming from hazardous chemicals and plastics. This issue becomes close attention of environmentalists as it causes a poison ecosystem for aquatic animals and health problems for a human.

The pollutants that cause major damage in water ecosystem are from harmful chemicals and solid waste. This toxic compounds such as mercury and asbestos is mainly a result of industrial disposal discharged without any treatments, and it is undeniable that even the highly productive companies do not have a well-operated system to reduce the concentration of such contaminants. In fact, the more active of this process means the more plastics will be needed for packaging which majority of them will be accumulated into the water bodies as the final disposal place. For example, European Union surveyed and revealed that at least 61% of plastics ended up in the sea during a decade ago, and there is an area called barren Ireland where it is almost empty with sea creatures resulted from mercury contamination. If there is no effort to prevent or reduce the amount of disposal, the floating of these harmful compounds will substantially increase of sea covered by the waste.

What are the major consequences of this? These pollutants will both danger aquatic animals and human's health as the water becomes poisonous, and some of the animals are vulnerable consuming plastic compound as their prey has similar appearances. The further impact may lead to numerous deaths of creatures and chronic diseases attacked people who consume toxic seafood. For example, on the north coast of Ireland, some death turtles found contained plastic pieces in their digestive track. Also, in hospital, the doctor has recorded 20 people in that area suffer from mercury toxicities after eating fish in the coastal. Therefore, these are the reason why many environmentalists putting major concern in order to avoid the adverse effect in the future.

In conclusion, water pollution from industrial waste mainly chemical substances and plastics cause severe disadvantages both aquatic animals and humans.
(344 WORDS)

FoxTrot05 2 / 2 4  
Mar 12, 2019   #2

Here's my feedback on your essay, hope it helps.

If this is suppose to be in a essay format, I would work on the introduction paragraph. I would say that your intro and your first body paragraph can be combined into 1 and you can add a thesis statement into it. Right now your thesis statement would be "This issue becomes close attention of environmentalists as it causes a poison ecosystem for aquatic animals and health problems for a human." I would word it in a way that you are representing a side to the argument for example: "The act of dumping harmful chemicals and the production of non biodegradable waste has detrimental effect on the water ecosystem". In the intro paragraph you want to let your readers know about the background of the problem and you are doing so in your second paragraph and hence why I would recommend you merge the first and the second paragraph. Also when you use the example, it would be better if you cite the information rather than saying "For example," because it can be flagged for plagiarism.

So normally you'd want to have at least 3 body paragraphs and in total you would have 5 (intro, 3 body, conclusion). Currently you covered the harmful waste that is being dumped by companies and the usage of plastic (you can talk about it being non-degradable). So you can make these topics as individual paragraphs and in your 3rd paragraph you can either research the 3rd cause or you can use your paragraph which covers the effect of water pollution. Again here, if you want to put facts that you got from a website or an article, you would want to cite it.

Lastly, for your conclusion paragraph you would put a quick summary of what points you made and then rewrite the thesis here again. This is to tie everything together and give your readers a nice summary of what your paper was about.

Hopefully any of what I said helped you.
coke 12 / 26 12  
Mar 13, 2019   #3
I think IELTS examiners won't check for plagiarism in the real test as the examples given by test takers are most likely made up. Having said that, it's advised to not give made-up research as examples because it consumes time to think of one. Using these examples, I don't think we can make it in 40 minutes.

Home / Writing Feedback / WATER POLUTION - a major concern for people who seek to protect the environment