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IELTS essay Task 1 on Water usage in different areas in the world


dodquynh 2 / 5 2  
Jun 17, 2019   #1

Water consumption Statistics



The charts below show the percentage of water used for different purposes in six areas of the world.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.


The given graphs illustrate the water usage for several intents in six regions across the world, measured by percent.
Overall, we can see that in North America and Europe, water is used mainly for industrial purposes. Meanwhile, in the remaining regions including South America, Africa, Central Asia, and South East Asia, the most common use of water is for agriculture.

In developed regions such as North America and Europe, industrial use takes account for about half of the total use. Water used for domestic purposes occupies the smallest proportion, which is no more than 15%, in both areas.

On the other hand, in other agricultural countries, the trend of using water is quite the opposite. Agricultural use takes up a very large majority, with 71% in South America and over 80% in the remaining areas. Only a minority of water is used for industrial use in all four areas. In these regions, the same trend can be observed in the rate of water used for domestic use, which varies from 5% to 12%.
MiAnnn 2 / 2 1  
Jun 17, 2019   #2
hello there !
Your writing is great !
But still there are some mistakes like :
-in the last paragraph , you said " on the other hand" . If you want to say that, before " on the other hand" there must have some phrases like: "on the one hand"

-you can say "others" instead of "other agricultural countries" to be brief to use for creating mixed variety of structures!
-Some words that synonyms with " accounted for" may be really useful for you are: made up, occupied
( By the way , maybe you should post the picture of the on your writing for us to help you much more easy )

Thank you for reading my feedback!

Hoping this feedback can help you and hope you will achieve your goal !
Maria - / 1,098 389  
Jun 20, 2019   #3
@dodquynh
Hi there!

Next time, it would be beneficial if you could provide the graph alongside your post for us to properly give an assessment of your writing.

That being said, from what I can tell, the structure of your sentences need a little bit of polishing. There were instances wherein commas (and, in general, punctuation usage) were out of place and misused. Because of this reason, the flow of your essay became quite baffling. Know that these small differences can create tremendous impact in the overall dissemination of information and relaying of your information and thoughts.

Being straightforward is also essential when you're working with technical and analytical essays. Remember that your understanding of the direction of the essay is important for you to establish a firmer perspective on the situation. With that taking into account, you should let go of excessive language and focus primarily on the specific data that you wish to relay.

Take a look at this revision:

Overall, we We can see that ... Meanwhile, in the remaining regions including South ... Asia, and South East Asia, the most ... water is it is for agriculture.

Being blunt about the interpretation will help you establish also a firmer, educational and informative tone rather than a blatant information relay.

Best of luck as always.


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