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IELTS Writing task 1 - Water used in different countries in 2000.

R_Sand03 2 / 2  
Jul 28, 2017   #1

the total use of water in some world places

The charts below give information about the way in which water used in different countries in 2000.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The two graphs show data on world water use, and the four nations which used it on year 2000 to three different purposes. Overall, the highest water consumption was from agriculture while the lowest was for domestic used.

The amount of the water used in agricultural purpose around the world on 2000 was at 70 %, in china the percentage was slightly low at 69 % and in india was at 92 %, and the amount of water used to domestic and industry only at 5 and 3 percent. However, in canada the highest use of water was from the industry in around 80 % and the water consumption for agricultural only at 8 percent, the case was almost similiar with the new zealand, while the water for agriculture not the biggest percentage because domestic used was 2 % high was about 46 % compared to 44 % for agricultural and 10 percent for industrial purpose.

It also can be clearly seen the total use of water use in china on agricultural and domestic used was almost identically with the total of water consumption in the world with only one percent different on both categories, the china only share the same amount with the world in term of water use for industry.

Please give me advices and IELTS score prediction

Holt  Educational Consultant - / 12,856 4178  
Jul 28, 2017   #2
Perdana, there are a number of problems with your essay that prevent me from giving you an overall score. Rather, I will be giving you a criteria based score for your work. This should also give you an idea as to where your final score might lie. In terms of Task Accuracy, your score falls under the range of 4. This is because your overview summary lacks information about the countries listed that will be discussed in the essay. This creates an incomplete overview and outline of the discussion. Then, your overall comparison paragraph discussed the countries, but did not first introduce the world wide water consumption percentages. That should have been presented as a prior, individual paragraph. You also do not capitalize the names of countries which are proper nouns. So your lexical resource and GRA score would both fall under a 4 as well. However, you did partially well in the cohesiveness and coherence portion where I scored you a 5 at the most. So your final score would probably be around a 4.5 in my opinion.
LadyOfClockwork 30 / 102  
Jul 28, 2017   #3
Hellow. I'd like to indicate you don't have to write a complicated term of "the water used in agricultural purpose". "Farm water" is enough, as proven by Wikipedia:

Farm water, also known as agricultural water, is water committed ...

Regarding "water", "volume" is better than "amount", as in "They required a third of the volumeof water we presently take from rivers".
OP R_Sand03 2 / 2  
Jul 28, 2017   #4
@LadyOfClockwork, Thanks u for the advice, i'm new to IELTS, can u tell me how much ideally writing task 1 paragraphs ?
Aug 1, 2017   #5
I think you can put more conjunctions (besides, furthermore, however, etc.) in your sentences because you used too much ''and'' in one sentence. Besides, don't make your sentence too complicated with lots of information. What we should do in Task 1 is to describe what we observe and write clearly and concisely.


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