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Looking for a way out - Alcohol Intervention


xinyi0913 1 / -  
Jan 14, 2017   #1

Looking for A Way Out!


--Alcohol Intervention

Introduction:
I am interested in talking about how can university students moderate drinking and reject alcohol abuse? The most important aspect for this research question can concluded by the intervention on alcohol using. Although, I will display some bad effect or seriously consequences on alcohol for the college students but as my topic mentioned, I am hoping to show some specific and useful ways on how to prevent oneself on alcohol using.

Background Section: Orienting Your Readers
The history of alcohol abuses in college student had to perusing since the college became exited. Students tend to use alcohol as a tool for celebrating or as a cure for sadness and depression. This issue had been got much attention since a long time age. Many researchers had down many kinds of researches of the bed influences of this issue. In addition, they also found a lot of effective solutions on this problem. People follow their-researches and select the valuable idea, then establish some alcoholics anonymous or psychological counseling services. I think article written by Bridges, Ledetra S., and Manoj Sharma is wonderful because they found out alcohol consumption can be reducing by a sufficient process. Although some people may state that alcohol is a good thing for college students, but I have to arguing that, in the most time, the bad influences on alcohol for college students were much bigger than the pleasant part on it.

Importance of the Issue
In Dager and Beth's research, they separate the participants in to two groups. They use the difference between moderate and heavy drinkers to measure and predict the subsequent transition to heavy drinking in college students. They concluded that the substantiate of alcohol use in United State is enhance. Researcher Goldstein and Pilgrim focus their point on the negative effective of alcohol of teenage brain. They developed the Concentration Memory Task. They found the higher alcohol consumption scores were associated with impaired performance on broader range of memory tests. Paul J. Gruenewald and Christina Mair did a research on the risks for physiological problems related to alcohol use in college students. They set their experiment through the drinking frequency, volume and average drinking quantity. They took a long period to accomplish this research and measured five physiological problems related to alcohol use. This article is special than the others. Because this paper is dynamic determinants of drinking behaviors have direct implications for assessments of risks for problems related to alcohol use. The comparison of the drinking level and the conclusion of the result are useful for my research question. I think all these articles above are very good researches because all of them mentioned the addition effect on the problem of alcohol abuse in college students. Besides, those are some very good points to convince you and everyone interfere with alcohol abuse. In addition, those articles are very academically on neuron psychology. It introduces an idea that alcohol abuse has some sort of relative with hippocampus in human's brain. Some articles give a deep prove on detailed examinations of quantitative relationships between drinking contexts and drinking problems. This study characterized the relationship between neural response to alcohol picture cues and escalating drinking among college students. Participants underwent scanning during their first college year and completed monthly substance use surveys over the following year. They capturing the period of greatest susceptibility to intensifying drinking. In my point of view of the word importance is that a problem was already prevalent exist in the population and made some serious consequences in the results. The impact on alcohol abuse in college students on health was extremely big. For example, researchers Goldstein and Pilgrim did a very academically research paper on the effect of alcohol on neuron psychology. It introduces an idea that alcohol abuse has some sort of relative with hippocampus in human's brain. I am really interested in the comparison between alcohol user and non-alcohol user's effective of their brain and neuron because I am a college student and I know how important it is, if students have a clear and health brine.

Work Cited

Bridges, Ledetra S., and Manoj Sharma. "A Systematic Review Of Interventions Aimed At Reducing Binge Drinking Among College Students." Journal Of Alcohol & Drug Education

Burns, Sharyn, et al. "A Cross Sectional Evaluation Of An Alcohol Intervention Targeting Young University Students." BMC Public Health

Clarke, Natasha C., Matt Field, and Abigail K. Rose. "Evaluation Of A Brief Personalised Intervention For Alcohol Consumption In College Students." Plos ONE

Dager, Alecia D., et al. "Functional Magnetic Resonance Imaging ( Fmri) Response To Alcohol Pictures Predicts Subsequent Transition To Heavy Drinking In College Students." Addiction

FUERTES, JAIRO N., and ALEXANDER HOFFMAN. "Alcohol Consumption And Abuse Among College Students: Alarming Rates Among The Best And The Brightest." College Student Journal

Goldstein, Aaron, et al. "Stress And Binge Drinking: A Toxic Combination For The Teenage Brain." Neuropsychologia

Gruenewald, Paul J., and Christina Mair. "Heterogeneous Dose-Response And College Student Drinking: Examining Problem Risks Related To Low Drinking Levels." Addiction

Kingsbury, John H., Frederick X. Gibbons, and Meg Gerrard. "The Effects Of Social And Health Consequence Framing On Heavy Drinking Intentions Among College Students." British Journal Of Health Psychology

Miller, Mary Beth, et al. "The Valued Living Questionnaire For Alcohol Use: Measuring Value-Behavior Discrepancy In College Student Drinking." Psychological Assessment

Silveri, Marisa M. "Adolescent Brain Development And Underage Drinking In The United States: Identifying Risks Of Alcohol Use In College Populations." Harvard Review Of Psychiatry (Taylor & Francis Ltd)
CDuke93 4 / 14 2  
Jan 14, 2017   #2
Hello Xinyi,

Please find below some feedback for your consideration

1) When describing studies and the results, add any relevant result information. This helps add powerful meaning to the statement.
E.g: " They concluded that the substantiate of alcohol use in United State is enhance"; **Change enhance to increased, and if possible, by how much? A quantitative value helps drive home the message on how much alcohol use has increased.

2) Grammar; I try not to use feedback to nitpick on grammar. You should seriously consider the flow and word choice used for some of your sentences.

E.g: "They capturing the period of greatest susceptibility to intensifying drinking",
** Is there a better word than capturing and intensifying? What are you trying to say? (Researchers names) were attempting to observe the time period where susceptibility of alcohol abuse was the highest? Start with individual sentences, ask "What did I get from this sentence", then ask "What did I want to say" and adjust your writing to ensure the answers for those two questions are the same.

Hopefully that helped! Be sure to revise your writing and post it in this thread again! This way we can continually give you feedback on your developing article :)

C
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 14,767 4772  
Jan 14, 2017   #3
Xinyi, if you are already a college student or a high school interested in writing, your school, college, or university should have a writing center or writing adviser on call to help you better develop the grammar and presentation of your essay. Please take advantage of the writing center or assistance programs at your educational institution in order to properly correct the bad grammar in the essay. Everything from the introduction to the peer review section just makes the head of the reader hurt because you did not even try to use the correct terms or properly develop your thoughts in English before posting this peer review for comments. You seriously need to learn the difference between "exited" and "existed", the latter being the term you actually wanted to use.

The peer review itself causes severe reader fatigue due to the lack of proper formatting of the presentation. Do your best to divide that part into discussion paragraphs in order to make the essay easier to read. More importantly, it will allow the reader to gain a better understanding of your opinion because you will allow them a chance to pause and seriously consider everything you are saying.

Overall, the peer review needs a tremendous amount of work on your part before it can even be considered to be in its early draft stages. I look forward to reading and reviewing your improved peer review whenever you are ready to present it.


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