Unanswered [13] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 3

Which way is the best for a student to make new friends? (TOEFL)


headshot0313 7 / 15 1  
Jan 8, 2013   #1
Which way do you think is the best for a student to make new friends. a. joining a sports team, b.participate in community activities, c. traveling

Any help is appreciated! Don't be afraid of pointing out every error.
my chinglish is quite serious. Please help me to correct my writing pronunciations
As making friends becomes increasingly significant in recent years, debates have been raised regarding what is the best way for students to make friends. Would it be joining in a sports team, taking part in the community activities, or taking a vacation? Personally, I would prefer the first choice, because compared to other two choices, sports team provides us with more opportunities to meet others and possibilities to develop a long-lasting friends.

Definitely, sports allows students to meet and make friends with a large arrange of people. When first entered a basketball team, you might practice with old players from different grads, you might be tutored by experienced coach who might have been coached for many years, you might meet beautiful cheerleaders running and dancing to give you fuel. Once you enter a spots team, you enter a new world, and this world provides you with many new people you can make acquaintance to.

In addition, when playing in a sports team, all the members of the team will have a common goal to fight for, and in order to achieve this goal, all the members must learn to cooperate with each other. In this way, students can build up a precious experience of cooperation, which is crucial to a long-lasting friendship. The moment of kicking the ball into the goal is forever the classic moment remains in all the team members'memory. The smiles and the tears run down the faces witness not only the success of the game, but also the solid friendships which will last all the life.

Aren't there any possibilities of developing friendships by other means? Of course the answer will be yes. Students can make friends who will be with them to deal with problems they may meet every day by participating community activities. Also on the road, students can find friends who can share their happiness of traveling with each other. But if you want to find a lot of true friend that when you are in need they will give you a help, attending the sports team will be a good choice.

In sum, although community activities can help to make friends near to daily life, and friends you made on the trip is the one you can share happiness with, attending a sports team allows students to meet a great arrange of people, and enable students to develop long-lasting relations. Therefore, I am convincing that joining a sports team will be the best choice to make new friends.

dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Jan 8, 2013   #2
As making friends becomes increasingly significant in recent years, debates have been raised regarding what is the best way for students to make friends.

You don't have major grammar issues here. However, I find this is pretty weak as an idea. Actually your topic doesn't indicate that there are any debates going on this subject. This topic is not asking for your opinion about a debated topic and therefore this line sounds a bit out of topic.

Remember, this is your opening sentence with which you are going to make the first impression about your writing to the reader. So it is worth giving some extra effort for this line :)

My suggestion;
Nowadays, networking with others plays a crucial role in one's success. Therefore making new friends is very important for an individual and there are many ways that he or she can make friends.

Always keep a good alignment with your topic :)
sir_alex92 1 / 1  
Jan 8, 2013   #3
Also on the road, students can find friends who can share their happiness of traveling with each other. But if you want to find a lot of true friend that when you are in need they will give you a help, attending the sports team will be a good choice.

for me, this part is a little bit confused. You should explain clearer (if you have good points to support) why attending sport team is a superior choice compare to other options.

the third passage of yours about "the common goal", i think, is very good. But the second passage about "meeting a lot of new friends", it's idea is not really strong, since you can also meet a lot of interesting ppl by taking part in others two possibilities. You might make it stronger by saying "not everyone has opportunity to travel a lot"...


Home / Writing Feedback / Which way is the best for a student to make new friends? (TOEFL)