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IELTS TASK2:The only way to improve road safety is to impose severe punishment for driving offences.

suxiaojing 13 / 18 7  
Apr 18, 2016   #1
Please give me a score after you read my essay and tell me all your suggestions! thank you! I would appreciate!!!!!

essay: The only way to improve road safety is to impose severe punishment for driving offences. Do you agree or disagree?

Recently, the phenomenon of the soaring rate of traffic accidents has sparked off an intense concern among the public. Some people claim that imposing harsh punishments on those committing driving crimes is the most essential and efficient way to alleviate this disturbing problem. Personally, I disagree with this opinion.

To begin with, posting traffic wardens to busy intersections contributes to improving road safety. It is undeniable that a considerable number of traffic accidents occur as drivers start to take chances when there is not a policeman around. Therefore, if there is adequate traffic guardians can effectively regulate the flow of traffic, then the occurrence of vehicle collisions would be dramatically reduced.

In addition, traffic facilities should be developed and well-maintained by governments. Unarguably, in some developing countries, traffic infrastructures such as traffic lights, footpath and so forth are so under-developed and simple that it is easier to cause severe traffic accidents on overcrowded roads. Thus, enhancing the construction and maintenance of traffic facilities would largely reduce the rate of vehicle collisions. Besides, governments should elevate individuals' awareness of the importance and seriousness of safe driving by launching relevant community activities and non-commercial advertisements to convey and disseminate the knowledge about traffic rules and regulations, which enables individuals to become more cautious and dedicated while they are driving.

Admittedly, severe punishments and stringent regulations have a deterring effect in the realm of people committing driving offenses. However, this measure can just scratch the surface of the problem. Only can well-designed transport facilities and individuals' elevated consciousness of safe driving be acknowledged as the ultimate and fundamental measures to improve the road safety.

To conclude, I concede that harsh punishments, to some extent, exert a positive impact on improving road safety.Nevertheless, I am still convinced that other actions should be taken into account to achieve the harmony and safety of roads.

ichanpants89 [Contributor] 16 / 777 309  
Apr 18, 2016   #2
Xiao, I would like to assess your essay based on 4 essential aspects on IELTS writing task 2 band descriptors. Those are Task Response, Coherence and Cohesion, Lexical Resource, and Grammatical range and Accuracy.

Task Response:
You were able to address all parts of the task, however, some parts were still fully covered than others. Your position was also relevant even though your conclusion seemed too short and not fully developed or covered the general idea of the task (agree or disagree). Perhaps it is better to re-state it again in the conclusion. Therefore, I can only give you 6.0 for this part.

Coherence and Cohesion:
Your information was well-arranged and there was a clear overall progression, but somehow your reference was unclear and some cohesive devices were inaccurate. Sadly, I cannot go further than 6.0 in this part.

Lexical Resource:
This is the best part of your essay. You were able to maintain a wide range of vocabularies. I like the way you put some less common lexical items there and you were aware of some proper collocations. For this reason, I can give you 7.0 in this part.

Grammatical range and accuracy:
You have a good grammar control by using some complex and simple sentences accurately. Although some errors about punctuation and conjunction persisted, it did not have a serious detrimental effect towards your essay. Therefore, you can go up to 6.5 for this one.

Overall, in my view, your essay is worth between 6.5 - 7.0. However, this is just a prediction score, not an actual one. I've tried my best to give a comprehensive assessment towards your essay. I hope this is helpful for you. :)
justivy03 - / 2,367 607  
Apr 19, 2016   #3
Hi Su, upon reading your essay, I would rate at 8, this is on the English language and its use perspective, reason for this score is the fact that you were able to come up with a strong introduction, quiet a different approach from the other responses for this essay.

Following the introduction is a couple of paragraphs that I must say it is not that strong, the information is somehow broken into pieces in order to keep the length of the essay, though this is a normal technique in writing, you have to make sure that in doing so, the essay remains strong from the beginning towards the end and the ultimate conclusion.

There you have it Su, I hope my insights help, for future writing reference, make sure that when elaborating the details of the essay, it will still hold bearing to the original purpose of the prompt.

I wish to review more of your work soon and keep writing.

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