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IELTS: WAY TO REDUCE THE AMOUNT OF TRAFFIC?


SalMon 27 / 113 10  
May 22, 2014   #1
Topic: The only way to reduce the amount of traffic in cities today is by reducing the need for people to travel from home for work, education or shopping.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Could you please review my essay? Thanks a lot!

Big cities nowadays can be described as melting pots. The problem off traffic overload, caused by overpopulation, has aroused interest of many city planners. It is argued that only if the demand to go out on the street is cut down can we solve the seemingly insurmountable issue of traffic gridlock. However, I have to profoundly disagree for there are still two viable solutions besides besides this way.

First of all. public transport is a key factor to minimize the number of vehicles on the street. Buses and trains have been phased in the streets for quite a long time and have proven themselves the best candidates among all options. Apparently, a bus can carry no less than 30 people, while a train can carry as much as nine or even ten times of that number. Not to mention the fact that highway train is operated underground, which leaves the street above with buses and non-fuel-based vehicles. Together, they will lessen the crowded image in most cities nowadays.

Second, rarely do we realize the helpful existence of urban areas. It is believed that if some of the enormous shopping malls or universities were relocated in the commuter belt, the city street would be les burstling and overly-teemed as it is now. As a rule of thumb, huge centers of attention distributed equally in a wide region means that residential areas will come along thus exert less pressure on the public facilities. The city itself will be absolved of enduring the influx of immigrants as well as unemployed people.

In conclusion, city planner can still opt for non-personal vehicle and the exploitation of the suburb areas. It is highly recommended to put forward such solution, especially in some developing countries like Vietnam or China, with the ever-growing demand for job or education.
dumi 1 / 6,927 1592  
May 23, 2014   #2
First of all, (comma, not a full stop - guess it's a typo :D ) public transport is a key factor to minimize the number of vehicles on the street.

Big cities nowadays can be described as melting pots. The problem off traffic overload, caused by overpopulation, has aroused interest of many city planners. It is argued that only if thedemand to go out on the street is cut down can we solve the seemingly insurmountable issue of traffic gridlock. However, I have to profoundly disagree for there are still two viable solutions besides besides this way.

... Well... here you beat around the bush. You do not introduce the background of your topic adequately. In fact you have not mentioned the core of your prompt -

the amount of traffic in cities today is by reducing the need for people to travel from home for work

... your prompt specifically says that it for commuting to work and also, it talks about a need and not a demand.
candy07 9 / 33 6  
May 23, 2014   #3
The problem off traffic

of traffic overload

Please explain what is meant by melting pot . I did not understand
OP SalMon 27 / 113 10  
May 23, 2014   #4
Thank you Dumi :D really appreciate! Next time I will try focus on the background. So how can I adjust my opening?
OP SalMon 27 / 113 10  
May 23, 2014   #5
Oh, melting pot is the cosmopolitan place. And if you don't know what cosmopolitan is, it is a place consists of many different cultures, lifestyles :) Am I wrong?
dumi 1 / 6,927 1592  
May 23, 2014   #6
Thank you Dumi :D really appreciate! Next time I will try focus on the background. So how can I adjust my opening?

Well, you simply paraphrase the prompt for the background :)

Topic: The only way to reduce the amount of traffic in cities today is by reducing the need for people to travel from home for work, education or shopping.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people view that the only way to arrest this traffic issue is to reduce the need for people commute to work, education or shopping. (Background) However, I do not agree with this view point and believe there are other viable solutions for this problem. (Thesis statement)
englishlover 5 / 10  
May 24, 2014   #7
Second , rarely do we realize the helpful existence of urban areas
Secondly , rarely do we realize the helpful existence of urban areas

the city street would be lesburstling and overly-teemed as it is now.
the city street would be lessbrustling and overly-teemed as it is now.

Some typo :)
candy07 9 / 33 6  
May 25, 2014   #8
Thanks now i know both the meanings


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