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IELTS TASK 2 - The only way to reduce the traffic jam is by reducing the need for people to travel.

POR HWA 1 / 1  
Nov 12, 2019   #1
Could you guys help me to correct my writing ?? I took the IELTS exam at least three times, my my writing score still not good enough. Thanks a lot.

The only way to reduce the amount of traffic in cities today is by reducing the need for people to travel from home for work, education or shopping.


In recent years, the issues of traffic congestion which is a growing popularity topic of society have been discussing for a long period. Some people suggest that breaking the reasons will male the traffic problems getting better. Personally, I agree with the advice.

Money is always the most considerable point of driving cars. According to the polls from the communication department of government, the main reason of the people who takes the public transportation at least five times per week is because of the road fee for the person who drives the car. Also, since the government implement the higher tax of owning a car, and make various transport systems, such as bus, train, and tube, the proportion of using public transports is rising than last decade.

On the other hands, business people cooperates with government to design a new convenience city, which means they adjust some places, build new roads ,and even rebuild new building to distribute the traffic jam. Moreover, their goal of the new city organization not only for the traffic congestion, and they also hope to improve the locals' life quality. The research of life quality shows that the proportion of the residents who live in a messy traffic city suffer from the mental disease is more risky than the citizens who living in a remote area or a convenience field.

To sum up, the more traffic fee the government impose, the less car people drive. In addition, the more traffic systems the government makes, the more choices people takes. Furthermore, the new city plan also help reducing the amount of traffic demanding, while it offer a better life quality to the local.
roswita116 16 / 37 17  
Nov 13, 2019   #2
Hi there. I would like to give you some feedback about your writing. 😁😁

Your writing structure is quite good, which contains some main writing structures of your paragraph.
However, I found out that the topic is asking you "do you agree or disagree about the only way to reduce the traffic in cities is reducing the needs of people to go out"

As I can see in your introduction, your answer is "yes, you agree this statement"( Personally, I agree with the advice.)
Nevertheless, when I read your body paragraph, you did not mention about the reasons and examples of "why" you agree this statement.
(You just said that the main reason why people take public transportation is because of road fee and high tax which is not revelent of topic.)

Here I have some examples that if you agree this statements.
1. Nowadays,online courses allow people to study at home instead of increasing the possibilities that people taking transportation to go to school.
2.Teleworking can reduce the amount of people who commutes every day.

These two ways may reduce the need of people go out and it will ease the traffic in the cities.

Overall, I think you should be aware of what exactly the topic want to ask you and be bear in mind that the task achievement (answer the essay questions with relevant main points) is part of evaluation of your band score.
OP POR HWA 1 / 1  
Nov 13, 2019   #3
Thank you very much!!! Your advice was really help.
i will take it and try to stand at the topic.

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