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The only way to solve the increasing crime rate of young offenders is to teach parents.....


EmanF 1 / -  
Jun 6, 2019   #1

parents have power to transform minors' personality



The only way to solve the increasing crime rate of young offenders is to teach parents better parenting skills. To what extent do you agree?

Can you please mark my essay and tell me what band do I score?

The psychology and behavior of youth are most vulnerable to harmful surroundings that they are exposed to. And thus, I strongly believe this signifies the role of parents in applying certain strategies that can bring out moral values or positivity in their children. In this essay, I would elicit why this is the only way and how parents can do so to achieve this.

Most importantly, charity begins at home. While I believe other factors such as schooling and family status have an influence on the juveniles of the society, parents are the first ones a baby interacts with when he or she is born. For instance, a study in Australia showed that infants with working parents grew up to become drug addicts despite studying in a well-reputed or a disciplined school.

Various methods can be taught to the parents that can, in turn, be applied to young generation. According to a study, youth, who were involved in criminal activities had a disturbed childhood or were victims of depression. Thus, communication plays one of the most vital parts of parenthood. An adult should realize that acting like a best friend will allow the child to openly share his insecurities or problems without reluctance. Counterintuitively, using a bitter tone can result in rebellious response. Furthermore, not only verbal interaction but also incorporating fun activities in their schedule such as going to a cinema or parks or sports club, are also an effective approach to lower stress levels. For example, many studies have proved physical activities to lower stress levels i.e. increasing endorphin levels in the brain. Other than that parents should keep a record of their child's school activity through weekly meet-up with class teachers.

In conclusion, parents have more power to transform minors' personality. And they can do so by implementing certain strategies wisely. I believe that in the future there should be more awareness campaigns or seminars related to this subject for addressing the issue effectively.

Maria [Contributor] - / 366 173  
Jun 6, 2019   #2
@EmanF
Hello there.

Not necessarily going to give an outright band score, but I'll help you work on your written content.

Firstly, try integrating and using optimizing techniques that will help you use more structure in your essay. If you can do this, you'll end up with simpler content and be able to focus more on the depth of your essay. Evade the usage of filler words at all costs - not unless, of course, you have the luxury to do so. If you keep these things in mind, you'll build your essay's overall tone in a more academic and appropriate light.

That being said, using more appropriate and smoother transition methods can also help you add more innovative techniques. If you do this, you'll be able to focus your attention to a more organic approach in writing. This will help you lessen the unnatural behaviors that you demonstrate when you are being interactive.

Ensure that you always use relevant grammar tools when you're writing. If you can do this, you'll enhance the overall outlook of your essay.

With these things in mind, I'm going to revise a small portion of your essay to demonstrate what these things mean.

The psychology and behavior of youth are most vulnerable to harmful surroundings that they are exposed to. And thus, I strongly ... in applying certain strategies that can to bring out morals values or positivity and optimism in their children. In this essay, I would will elicit why ... can do so to achieve this.

Most importantly, c Charity begins at home. ... the first ones whom a baby interacts with when he or she is born. ... studying in a well-reputed or a disciplined highly reputable school.

Remember to remove unnecessary/irrelevant words at all times. For instance, moral values is quite redundant because morals are already values on their own.

Keep these in mind when you are writing.

Best of luck as always!
solivagant 4 / 7 1  
Jun 10, 2019   #3
Hi @EmanF!
In your essay you've mentioned different studies which I think is superfluous, because you're supposed to give your own view on the topic. Not what others think or discover.

Secondly, the question is "To what extend do you agree ?". It means that you are expected to give your opinion, then expand it with the sound reasons and examples. In my view, the third paragraph in which you've come up with some solutions is not relevant to this format.


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