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TOEFL:Ways of learning about life & Quickly made decisions are wrong


muroslav 2 / 5  
Sep 7, 2010   #1
Hi all, there are two more essays. I'm looking forward for your feedbacks. Every comment on grammar, vocabulary, content etc. would be appreciated. I know they are bit short, im trying to write them longer...But it seems that i need some more practice, because i cant manage to write everything for 30 min.

Thanks in advance.

Some people believe that the best way of learning about life is by listening to the advice of family and friends. Other people believe that the best way of learning about life is through personal experience. Compare the advantages of these two different ways of learning. Which do you think is preferable?

Different people learn in different ways about life. Some prefer to learn by the advice of their family and others prefer to learn by personal experience. The both ways of learning have their advantages and disadvantages, but in my opinion its better to learn by listening to advice of others.

Personal experience is substantial for learning about life. The first-hand experience is always a good way to understand how things work. One can see all the pros and cons of every decision he/she took and he/she can react more adequately in similar situations. Also, there are events that happen regardless you want or not, so it is better to learn something from them.

On the other hand, listening to the advice of parents and friends is very helpful, because they have their own personal experience and share it with their children. Consequently, the children do not need to try everything by themselves and can take advantage of the parents knowledge. Furthermore, the parents are grown-up people, they have more experience than their kid, and therefore parents' thoughts are more prudent. Besides, friends most often share similar problems and their experience should be put into use, as well.

Considering all advantages of both ways of learning, I prefer to learn about life by listening to the advice of friends and family. They always do their best to help me and their tips are worth listening to. Everything they say and do is prompted by the wish to help.

In conclusion, the best way to learn for life is to combine listening to your parents and friends with personal experience.

268 Words

Agree or disagree: The decisions that people make quickly are always wrong

Sometimes there is not enough time to think about a decision I should make. Thus, I'm forced to make my choice quickly, without many considerations. However, sometimes it seems that the choice I made is the correct one. In my view quickly made decisions are not always wrong.

When I take a test, there are some questions that I am not able to answer. When I face such a question, I just pick up one of the answers and hope it to be the correct one. And actually, there is 25% chance to hit the right answer (provided that there are 4 possible choices). In this case thinking can help at some degree, to eliminate one or two of them if they are obviously incorrect, but that's not the point. When I make my choices, I almost always count on luck. That's my strategy and it works.

Furthermore, one should rely on his instinct. Under some circumstances there is absolutely no time to think. For instance, if there is a fire in my apartment I have no time to think. I should quickly choose a direction and run. And there are plenty of people, who saved their life this way, only counting on their instincts. In such a situation, taking time to think can be lethal.

Moreover, if I have enough time to consider all the cons and pros of a problem I have, there is danger of not being able to choose anything at all. And that's even worse than making a wrong decision.

In conclusion, I am sure that there is wide variety of situations, when carefully consideration of the problem leads to better decision, but that is definitely not "always" the case.

285 Words

kame 1 / 5  
Sep 7, 2010   #2
Might I suggest not actually stating "In conclusion" during the conclusion portion of the essay?
KathyLala 20 / 116  
Sep 8, 2010   #3
Here are some of my ideas:
its better to learn => it's better to learn
when you write in the actual essay try to write he or she, eliminate he/she, or you can use "they" instead.
they have their own personal experience=>use plural experiences, I guess because you're talking about parents and friends experience, so more than one experience

This is an agrument essay, which means you take only one stand and you do that in your introduction, but in your conclusion "the best way to learn for life is to combine listening to your parents and friends with personal experience". why you "combine" instead you take only one side. Your conclusion is not very effective, but I like your essay anyway, your essay is short, but still longer than mine.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,335 129  
Sep 9, 2010   #4
The both ways of learning have their advantages and disadvantages, but in my opinion its better to learn by listening to advice of others.

Here, you give your thesis in a way that makes it sound like you will argue in favor of listening to advice, but at the end you say this:

In conclusion, the best way to learn for life is to combine listening to your parents and friends with personal experience.

I think you should revise the thesis statement so that it says this same thing: that a combination of both is what is best. That way, you will be saying the same thing in the thesis and in the conclusion.

Also, fix the thesis this way: In conclusion, the best way to learn about life is to combine listening to your parents and friends with personal experience.

:-)

I like the second essay a lot, but I think you should give more discussion in the conclusion. Talk about the implications. Also, talk about "intuition." I think the second essay is stronger, and I am quite impressed by it. I like your example about a multiple choice test. Indeed, our first instinct is often best (but not always!).


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