Cam 8 - Test 2.
Nowadays the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology.
In what ways has technology affected the types of relationships that people make?
Has this been a positive or negative development?
The boom of technological advancement has brought about the significant changes in human's life, especially in communication. Both beneficial and detrimental effects of technology on people's relationship will be discussed in my writing.
The development of technology has had good impact on various spheres of people's social life including education, business and social network. Firstly, the quality of education is believed to improve greatly since the advent of technology when teacher enables to deliver his lessons via skype - a video conferencing application or Youtube for students in remote areas. As the result of this progress, more fair opportunity of education is brought to all people regardless of their gender, location and religion. Secondly, global business has benefited to take advantage of internet connection. With the organization of online meeting, managers are able to cut back travel expense and save time. Furthermore, global connection has created many successful business co-operations, which assists to soar productivity and potential partners of any organization. Third, in social networks on Internet like Facebook, Twitter, people become more connected by attending the forum to share their common interests. For example, people find it easy to keep in touch with their old friends via Facebook.
However, the detriment of technological advancement is needed to mention to balance the picture here. Nowadays, people prefer using mobile-phone, email or social networking to interact with their friends rather than direct talks, which has gradually isolated people in verbal communication. Furthermore, family relationship is affected seriously since the existence of modern technology. Children spend most their time sticking to computer's screen, ignoring household's chores and parent's talk, which contributes to deteriorate the bond among family members. Moreover, conflicts are easy to occur as the result of disregarded understanding.
To sump up, technology is just the mean to facilitate people's social life. The utilization of modern devices in positive or negative depend mostly on people's awareness. Therefore, people should take into account both sides of technology advancement and establish the good relationships for their life in business, education and family relationship to have a satisfied life.
This is your first body paragraph. Aside from the grammatical mistakes. I feel that you haven't tied back these statements to the word "Relationship". For example, All these video lectures do allow for broader and more fair education, but how does this build a relationship between a student and a teacher? Is it because they are able to communicate more frequently and conveniently despite being a huge distance apart? If so, it needs to be mentioned. Do not leave any form of ambiguities in the essay.
Your second body paragraph is great,
Now, I'm not sure if this is a standardized test essay. If so, then I'm afraid you'll have to 'tip' your essay in favor of one side. In other words, there needs to be more content about either side and a small acknowledgement of opposing arguments.
The boom of technological advancement has brought about The rapid growth of technology has brought about significant changes in human lives, especially in their relationships.
the significant changes in human's life, especially in communication.
Both beneficial and detrimental effects of technology on people's relationship will be discussed in my writing.
... this is a confusing statement. It has some grammar issues too. You better rephrase this sentence.