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IELTS WRITING - TASK 2 - Essay about Wealth gap problems and solutions


thaojena 1 / -  
Aug 19, 2020   #1

wealth inequality



Many people say the gap between the rich and the poor people is wider, as rich people become richer, poor people become poorer. What problems could this situation cause and what measures can be done to address these problems?

It is true that the wealth inequality has always existed and even soared in recent decades. Although there will be undoubtedly some consequences of this trend, governments can take steps to mitigate these problems.

There are various issues potentially caused by wealth gap. First, the inequality fosters and increases crime rate, including various criminal forms such as robberies, thieves and riots. When the gap grows extreme, the number of people living under the poverty line will go up due to increasing inflation and average living cost. This acts as an incentive for criminal behaviours since this is the last resort for the disadvantaged people struggling to meet their basic needs. Another compelling problem is that wealth gap leads to unsustainable economic growth. Due to the costly tuition fees, the tertiary education access is nearly out of reach to the lower-class families. As a result, the proportion of unskilled labours in domestic workforce would rise, which acts as a deterrent of business investments.

Nevertheless, there have been many solutions for wealth inequality. First, by imposing higher income tax on the upper and middle-class households, governments would raise enormous welfare budgets allocated for the poor. If the state welfare and allowances can provide their standard living, there will be less incentives of robbing and stealing. Second, in order for the poor to be accessible to higher education, free educational institutions, which are granted by the government or non-profit organizations, should be highly encouraged. This has a significant impact on not only beneficiaries, but also the economic development.

In conclusion, wealth inequality brings about some severe problems for the society and economy but there are still many practical actions that authorities can consider to deploy.

283 words
tuongnam 3 / 5  
Aug 19, 2020   #2
1. Good structure and utilize formal and diverse words.
2. Clear argument but need more explain in the argument " in order for the poor to be accessible to higher education, free educational institutions, which are granted by the government or non-profit organizations, should be highly encouraged."

Regards!
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 11,252 3656  
Aug 20, 2020   #3
Your discussion format is incorrect. You have changed the discussion topic and presentation instruction in your prompt paraphrase section. There is no mention of wealth soaring over the decades. Neither are you being asked to offer mitigation steps for the government to implement. Your response is totally off base. The government has nothing to do with the discussion. Your personal insight and suggestions are what the examiner will be looking for in this presentation which, it appears, he is not going to find because you focused on aspects of the discussion that are not part of the original presentation.

For this 2 reasoning paragraph essay, each paragraph should indicate:
- The problem the situation causes for the rich (par. 1) or the poor (par. 2)
- The example of such a problem and its consequence
- The solution you think would be useful in this scenario
- An explanation of why you think that solution would work
- An example that shows your solution in action

You have to remember to double check the instructions. Never present information not contained in the original presentation and, avoid changing the discussion instructions because you will then be scored based on a response that is not related to the task. The outcome of both could be a non-achievement of a passing score for your presentation.

The current presentation really goes strongly into the topic presentation per paragraph. However, I do not see any progression in the discussion topics that would indicate a thorough development of the paragraph. As such, the examiner, who will see the same thing, will know that you did not really focus on the C&C section of the scoring as you were preoccupied with simply presenting discussion topics that you could not completely develop into a paragraph discussion. This is precisely why I suggested the discussion format above for your next presentation of a similar topic.


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