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[Ielts task 2] Wealth does not necessarily guarantee happiness.


happyfunny 4 / 5  
Mar 24, 2018   #1
Weath does not necessarily guarantee happiness.'
To what extent do yagreeeee or disagree with this statement?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant example from your own knowledge or experience


Can you fix my essay and match it?

Stay Happy and Enjoy Life



Riches do not fundamentally insurance happiness.In my opinion, I slightly agree with this statement due to money is necessary, however, it is not assurance peace of mind.

Firstly, wealth is needed in life because without money we can not survive.Properties basically bring good things to our relationship, health, education. Frist and foremost, Relationship can develop and maintain easily with money because you can treat your friends, give luxury gifts for your lovers, and take care your family.Then, you can use your money to hire a personal doctor to look after your health, in addition, you can have a perfect diet with money.Finnally, you will have a lot of chances to approach the modern educational system base on your prosperity.For instance, even though Miss.Thien was born in the poor country but her family is very rich so she can go aboard for studying.

Secondly, Wealth is not guaranteed pleasure as the results of serious illness, unlimited stratification. First and foremost, IF you have a mental sickness, for example, anxiety disorder, you will always worry about everything around you, which is not needed to be worried. Because of that, you can not enjoy your life even you have a lot of money, which can not heal your mental illness completely. After that, If you lack some parts of your body, for instance, your legs, you can not use your money to have normal legs like normal people.Finnally, People will never stratificate with the amount of money they have so that even though you are a wealthy person you still thinking about money, we always want to have more and more money, this circumstance is not stopped until we recognize it is too late to enjoy life.For instance, Mr Tram has a lot of money hut he died when he just 30 years old because an unexpected stroke, which is the results of working extremely hard.

To sum up, I think wealth is necessary but it is not insurance happiness and it is important to start to find the way to enjoy life even we do not have a lot of money.

Thanks
HappyFunny

kikiyiu 5 / 12 2  
Mar 24, 2018   #2
... because we cannot live without money in the modern world.
- I afraid "survive" implying biological living. We cannot survive without food, water and air but not without money.

Riches benefit our relationship, health, education.
- Succinctness is really important in task two because you have 40 mins only.

Finnally (Finally?), you will have a lot of chances to approach the modern educational system base on your prosperity.
- Use firstly, secondly, finally to link up the paragraphs only. You can replace it by moreover/ also.


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