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IELTS: Wealthy nations among poorer nations; 'level of export'


eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1,198 464  
Feb 26, 2014   #1
Hellooo Freinds...
I'm preparing an IELTS exam. I need feedbcak. Task Response, Coherence and Cohesion, Lexical Resource and Grammar.

Question:
Should wealthy nations be required to share their wealth among poorer nations by providing such things as food and education? Or is it the responsibility of the governments of poorer nations to look after their citizens themselves? Discuss.

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Answer:

Economic growth of a country determines the wealthy level of its citizen. A country which has a high level of export compared to its import tends to have a better economic condition. In this context, to keep the level of export, the country needs to maintain a good relationship with other countries. Therefore, the related country does some actions, includes giving some helps for other countries' education. There is nothing wrong with this action as long as it can be beneficial for both sides. However, it should be highlighted that this kind of help is something that the country cannot rely on. If the country keeps on relying on this kind of help, there will be some mess happened whenever the help is no longer given. Therefore, there should be awareness for the country itself, especially the government, to improve its economic condition by doing some pro active actions. There are some reasons that support this argument.

First, the country can own a balanced economic condition. The country could develop its strong economic sector. It is better for the country to give focus on the certain fields only, rather than developing many fields but could not get optimal result. This action makes sense rather than keep hoping other countries help as there is no guarantee that economic condition of a country will remain stable. The country which usually gives help might get worse economic condition when it is attacked by another country, or suffered from natural disasters. Therefore, it will be safer for the country itself when the government realizes this factual condition by keep doing the positive effort for a better economic condition.

Furthermore, the government needs to maintain the political stability of the country. It is a very important step to do as politic and economy always go hand in hand. When a country has a stable political condition, it will also affect positively on its economy. Many investors will willingly invest its fund when they feel their money safe. So, the result will also be positive for both countries.

To conclude, I believe that it is better for the government to put the best effort to improve the economic condition and maintain the political stability of the country rather than merely relying on other countries' help.

Pahan 1 / 1,907 553  
Feb 26, 2014   #2
Economic growth of a country determines the wealthy level of its citizen.

.
Economic condition of a country determines the level of wealthiness of its citizens.

Well, it seems you write very well. However, you may need to follow a structure that helps you include all features that are important for a good score as well as manage time efficiently because this task has a bearing on time.
rachana 2 / 2  
Feb 28, 2014   #3
I liked ur expression of words.
tiaDS 73 / 235 52  
Feb 28, 2014   #4
Should wealthy nations be required to share their wealth among poorer nations by providing such things as food and education? Or is it the responsibility of the governments of poorer nations to look after their citizens themselves? Discuss.

Economic growth of a country determines the wealthy level of its citizen.

>> Hook

A country which has a high level of export compared to its import tends to have a better economic condition.

>> Background

In this context, to keep the level of export, the country needs to maintain a good relationship with other countries. Therefore, the related country does some actions, includes giving some helps for other countries' education. There is nothing wrong with this action as long as it can be beneficial for both sides.

>> paraphrase of Should wealthy nations be required to share their wealth among poorer nations by providing such things as food and education?

However, it should be highlighted that this kind of help is something that the country cannot rely on. If the country keeps on relying on this kind of help, there will be some mess happened whenever the help is no longer given.

>> paraphrase of Or is it the responsibility of the governments of poorer nations to look after their citizens themselves?

Therefore, there should be awareness for the country itself, especially the government, to improve its economic condition by doing some pro active actions. There are some reasons that support this argument.

Discussion

I really like with your essay and i attempt to learn about your introduction pattern. I try to identify sentence-by-sentence. Above is the detail identification of your pattern. Thanks Mr. Eddy.
xsimio - / 3 2  
Feb 28, 2014   #5
... by doing some pro activeproactive actions. ...


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