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IELTS; Wealthy vs Poor Nations; not only a moral deed, but also a worthwhile one


Topic:
Should wealthy nations be required to share their wealth among poorer nations by providing such things as food and education? Or is it the responsibility of the governments of poorer nations to look after their citizens themselves?

Essay:
Whether wealthy nations should take responsibilities to help poorer ones, by means of providing infrastructures, or remain bystander of the global poverty, is an issue of controversy. Personally I think, as the privileged minority, wealthy nations have every reason to share their fortune with the poor.

In terms of ethics, it is inhumane to watch one's fellowman struggle against famine and poverty without doing anything to help, especially when the onlooker takes no effort to do so. Compassion, a virtue preached in almost all religions from Buddhism to Mohammedanism, is what distinguishes us human beings from animals.

Economically speaking, such aid could also create a win-win situation. Underdeveloped nations no doubt receive direct benefits through such deeds. For developed nations, new medical problems may very well arise from the work in underdeveloped nations; thus related research is conducted accordingly to conquer the problem, promoting the development of the pharmaceutical industry. The potential market in those poor countries, most of which has a huge population, is also a thing worth mentioning. By building a good relationship with them, wealthy nations can not only broaden their global market, but also facilitate future international commerce. The underdeveloped nations, in return, may export local agricultural products, mineral products with discount to the former, boosting each other's economy.

In summary, wealthy nations' offering in need is not only a moral deed, but also a worthwhile one which will one day pay off in other ways. Only those who sympathize with their fellowman can prosper in the long run.

In the second paragraph, replace "In terms of ethics" with "ethically"-it will flow better. I really like the 2nd sentence in the paragraph.

The third paragraph is a little confusing. Change "underdeveloped nations no doubt receive direct benefits through such deeds" to "Obviously, underdeveloped nations receive direct benefits". Add a transition sentence between that and the next sentence, saying something about how it may be less obvious, but the philanthropic countries also receive benefits. Change "The potential market in those poor countries, most of which has a huge population, is also a thing worth mentioning" to "There is also a large potential market in those poor countries"

I think you have some good ideas in this, but some of the writing is a little awkward. If you make some quick changes, the essay will have better flow, and the reader will be able to understand it easily.
Personally I think, as the privileged minority, wealthy nations have every reason to share their fortune with the poor.

you should add up the detail reasons in the first para., it will make your outline more clearer~
  Closed ✓


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