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The general welfare of all its people is a necessary condition for the well-being of a society.


helmme 1 / -  
Aug 26, 2016   #1
I tried to write my first GRE writing task, which was really hard for me to present examples and connecting contents... :(
Please comment for the very start of improvements of my writing tasks. :)

- Statement:

85. Some people believe that in order to thrive, a society must put its own overall success before the well-being of its individual citizens. Others believe that the well-being of a society can only be measured by the general welfare of all its people.

- Instruction:

Write a response in which you discuss which view more closely aligns with your own position and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should address both of the views presented.

- My answer:

For a society to thrive means that the people feel happy in the society and their life standard is guaranteed well. Thus, I would agree with the statement that the well-being of a society can only be measured by the general welfare of all its people in that the welfare of people is a necessary condition for the prosperity of a society. But it should not be ignored that the overall success of a society can surely contribute to the well-being of people in a society.

One cannot surely propose that a society thrives when people do not think that they have an enough level of welfare. Specifically, citizens of a country might feel unhappy even if the society has a high-level of economy. For example, from 1960s to 1970, South Korea, which were developing in a very fast pace and achieve an honorable title, the Miracle of Han River, was ruled by a dictator. Thus, people in the time did not have the right to freely express their thought, which is why it cannot be possible to definitely say that the country thrived during the era.

However, it is not easy to ignore the overall success of a society to decide the prosperity of it. Given an overall success of a society, people can acquire enough chance to earn money, which is an essential part for people to have a good standard of welfare. For instance, Norway was a very poor country and, by the 1970s, the country has achieved enormous amount of profit from the oil industry. This led Norway to be one of the best nations of welfare. The country is now preparing for the depletion of oil by investing its considerable finance in education system, which was possible to be implemented for its healthy financial status.

In conclusion, I agree with the statement that the well-being of a society can only be measured by the welfare of all its people in that the welfare of its people is a necessary condition for its prosperity. However, we should not ignore the impact of the overall success of the society on the welfare of its people.
aidafitria18 9 / 14 1  
Aug 26, 2016   #2
Hi, i wanna try to fix some mistakes on your first paragraph by my version. i am really sorry because i can't fix all of it. I hope it will help you.

I tried (i think it should be "am trying" because you are still trying to make your first GRE. ) to write my first GRE writing task, which wasis really hard for me to presentmakesome examples and connecting (it should be "connect" i thought) the contents... :(

Please comment for the very start of improvements of my writing tasks. :)
Fadhilahumar91 61 / 73 6  
Aug 27, 2016   #3
For a society to thrive means that ...

Nowadays, some people thinks that individual successful more important than society's well-being. On the other hand, others believe that it cannot be a good measurement when it not general on it. In my opinion/in my view/ i thinkgeneral well-being is a good measurement fol all citizen than personal achievement.

i suggest you to make overal ot your opinion i the first paragraph because it will helps you to make harmonious essay

thank you


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