Hi,
Please help to criticize my essay! If possible, please rate it on the scale of 6 with .5 increment. Thanks very much! Here the prompt.
The well-being of a society is enhanced when many of its people question authority.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.
Time allowed: 30'. Time used: 40'.
"As far as the definition of authority may reach, this essay limits it to those who exert power and governance over their people. Would the relationship persist and enhance when it is kept unquestioned? Often we witness unrest and chaos everyday around the world - many caused by the people questioning its authority, yet societies have been far better off when people raise their voice over their own administrators.
A fundamental of philosophy asserts that the human tends to question and fight conflicts and unfairness to have matters solved and developed. That is very true when people start doubting their authoritative forces. While authority should serve the people, some fail to adhere to what seems to be the principle of their responsibility, and no doubt that causes its people to raise their voice. There are policies that one country's citizens find neither adequate nor beneficial to the most. Biased tax favors to those whose wealth is exorbitantly overwhelming, while unfair social grants continue to trouble the poor. Consequently, demonstrations and meeting gathers thousands of people to fight for what they deem ineffective in the ways the authority is carrying out their jobs. That is to say, society is much better served - in which the distribution of economic benefits is symmetrical - when the performance of authority is put into questions.
Not only economy would be enhanced, the social status would be balanced and stabilized should people question those who govern them. Some long-lasting matters of one society have been those involving race, religion, and human rights. Discrimination still exists in the modern world in these facets. However, there are activists and concerned citizens who have been questioning the ways authority treat the topical matters. Many in China question the exact democracy that their government upholds, fighting for the people voice to be heard. Thousands in United States criticize the ways that some police officers treat black people, marching across roads to raise awareness of racial issues. To no surprise, the authority heeds what their people ask, and take actions that their people consider necessary. In that we see the new level of enhancement in many societies.
Yet may questioning the power of authority always bring desirable outcomes? Excessive doubts of authoritative power mislead people who are immature in perception and cognitive resonance, leading to contrasting effects. Disorders in society with unrest and chaos - or worse people and authority engaging in violent clashes - would be an counter point to the mentioned statement. Unfortunately, such undesirable outcomes would cost society immense economical losses because the damages they incur during the course of actions. Recent wide-scale demonstrations in Hong Kong - where people fight for more freedom over China in terms of government control - wiped out millions dollar in one of the most ardent financial market. Certainly, none would hope for such subsequent declines in the well-being of a society.
In general, the well-being of a society would reach higher level - both economically and socially - when people doubt the actions of authority in conscious and well-resonated ways. Only then will a society avoid unwanted effects of the doubt. Arguments and relevant empirical evidence provided in the essay show supports to the stated prompt."
This essay is quite informative, and that is what i like about it. Notwithstanding, this is a GRE exam, and i do not see any of GRE vocabulary here such as lachrymose, thwart, hamper, cynical e.t.c. As a result of the vocabulary, i would rate it approximately from 4 to 5.5.
