In this year, during a week from 17 September 2016 to 29 September 2016, West Java will be held PON (National Games) which is followed by several regions in Indonesia. After that,the opening ceremony shows many cultures and endorse environment which was belongs our country and it supported by cutting-edge technology.
There are several athletes came from every branches of sports for bring torchbearers during the ceremony. West Java Governor believe this event which is followed by 44 branches of sports will be riveting society of Indonesia. Furthermore, he is already to answer question which was inflict the problem.
However, in the last week there are many obstacles for example several possessions still stuck in North Jakarta, but The Governor who organized this event still doing the best for this times. In addition, the local government also planning to build up vacasional school among facilities of PON such as Gelora Bandung Lautan Api. Then, maintain the sporting venues that will be used in 2018 for the ASEAN games.
The last information, West Java take the first place then followed by Jakarta in the second place, the third position was occurred by East Java. Finally, this makes West Java more ambition to preserve their first position.
Hi! I have some advice for you!
In this year, during a week from 17 September 2016 to 29 September 2016, should be
during a week started from 17-29 September 2016,
West Java will be held PON (National Games) you use passive sentence here,
or you can change the subject if you want to use the passive sentence, so it should be
The PON (National Games) will be held in West Java
After that ,the opening I do not think that is the right linking words to use because it is used to explain procedure, so it should be
Beside, the opening ceremony
he is ( better if u write use has because your writing tell about something that has happened) already to answer question which was inflict the problem. (
in the last week there are (thre were because past) many obstacles for example
Hi. In addition to the above comments, these are some inputs on your essay;
- After thatOn top of that ,the opening (...) environment which was belongs to our country.(full stop)and itThese supported by cutting-edge technology.
- There are several athletes that came from every branches of sports ...
- West Java GovernorThe governor of West Java believe that this event, which is followed by 44 branches of sports, will be riveting society of Indonesia.
- However, in the last week there are many obstacles (...) in North Jakarta.(full stops)
- butFortunately, the Governor who organized this ...
- ... such as Gelora Bandung Lautan Api. Then,as well as maintain the sporting venues that ...
- ...the third position was occurred by East Java placed at the third place .
Hope these help! Regards.
Hi ryan31,
I have a suggestion for you
In this year, during a week (started) from 17- 29 September 2016 - { you should get rid of this year because you already said "in this year".
Hi Andika
Let me give you some advice....
In this year, during a week from (...), West Java will be held PON (National Games) which is followed ...
After that, the opening ceremony (also) shows many cultures and endorse(promoting) environment which was ...
There are several athletes came from every(several)branches(kind) of sports for bring torchbearers ...
... government also planning to build up vacasional school(off school activity) among facilities of PON such as ...
... followed by Jakarta in the second place, the third position was occurred ...
