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My essay is about why Western people should change their eating habit

Kha7nhsvu2x 1 / 1  
Mar 12, 2020   #1

unhealthy diet and obesity

Nowadays, Western people 's health is getting terrible health problems due to an unhealthy diet. Some experts claim that they need to change their diet. From my point of view, I totally agree with this viewpoint.

To begin with, obesity tends to be the biggest health problem in developed countries. Many people found that eating habits are a good way for them to get relaxed also reduce work or school pressure. As a result, many advertisers made a wealth of fortunes by targeting consumers' psychologies such as McDonald's, KFC, and Burger King. For example, my ex-classmate, a Danish girl who is a huge fan of Hamburgers, whenever she has free time, she often goes to some fast-food restaurants near her school, to have a burger, and to chill out with her friends after stressful school time. Therefore, she is now 88 kilograms because of her non-moderation eating plan. This story clearly illustrates how danger if we do not have a balanced diet.

Moreover, Western people should follow how people in Asia plan their eating habits. As written above. The diet of some Eastern countries mostly is good for health so people in Asia often share equally amount nutrients of their meals, half is for soup, a fourth is for vegetables, and the rest is for fresh meat. Take my grandma as an example, she is really great at designing a balanced diet so her children like my mother and my uncle got in shape when they were young and they have learned a lots from my grandma until now.

To sum up, I suppose that Western people should consider their diet carefully or perhaps the best solution is that they should alter their diet to make it more healthy, especially for people who have trouble with obesity.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 10,531 3446  
Mar 13, 2020   #2
It is difficult to review this essay because, while I know it is for an English exam, I am not sure if you are doing it for TOEFL or IELTS. I would have had a clue as to the type of test if you included the prompt with your post. Since there is no prompt and no test identifier, I can only give you a general grammar review for your essay. Here it goes.

Avoid redundancies in your presentation. When you say " from my point of view", there is no need to end the sentence with "from my viewpoint". That is already clear to the reviewer from the first few words you used in the sentence.

Use a specific time frame reference. Do not mix past and present references in a paragraph. It confuses the reader and makes your meaning difficult to keep track of and understand.

You made excellent use of personal knowledge and familiar examples in this essay. It shows that you understood that the strength of the essay lies in how well you understood the discussion topic, instructions, and its applicability to your personal life.

Good work as far as I can tell. I hope you can provide the prompt next time so I can give a more detailed review of your presentation.
OP Kha7nhsvu2x 1 / 1  
Mar 15, 2020   #3
Sorry for my carelessness it was an IELTS essay but anyway I really appreciate. I hope I can do better than this next time. Thank you, sir

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