Unanswered [0] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 2


A white paper ready to be filled. Kids' the best teacher is their parent.


NADOUR 1 / -  
Jan 9, 2017   #1
I am preparing for TEOFL, so i will be so thankful for every one give me a feedback on my essay:
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

the basic stones of every society



The children are the basic stones that every society stand on it by itself, this is why the developed societies give an important consideration about them, and especially the parents.

Without any doubt, the parents have big impact on their child future, because they are the closest ones to him, in which he trusts them and thinks that their advices and orders fall in his benefits, for this reason, the parents are in a position where they can make their child go extra mile in his future, as such, they seek his hope, his dream, and think about what he wants, what he loves, and what he hates, also, it should be mentioned that when children stick in very difficult situations, the most often, their parents are the only hope they can trust, meanwhile, anyone else is taken with grant of salt, and that explains well why the child learn from his parents how to manage his life and how to struggle in a difficult situations and how to be stubborn in hopeless cases.

We cannot encounter all the reasons in few lines, but nevertheless, what has been mentioned justifies why the parents make the best teacher, however this should not be taken as a perfect rule so let us turn over the coin to see the opposite face.

Every child is like a white paper, and what the parents write in it would be very difficult to erase, hence her is the questions: how much destructive would be that paper if it is written with dark thinking, evil ideologies and bad behavior ?

What i want to say is: the best educated parents make the best teachers, and what their children learn from anyone els is as a drop in the bucket comparing with what they benefit from them.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 14,767 4770  
Jan 9, 2017   #2
Housseyne , since this is the first time that you have posted here, I am absolutely sure that you don't have any idea regarding the rules of the forum yet. You are required to post the prompt requirement that accompanies your practice test. That is because we need that prompt to help analyze your weaknesses and strengths in writing these essays. It also helps to give us an idea as to how you might be scored in an actual test. So kindly post the prompt here as soon as you can for a more accurate review and scoring of your essay. In the meantime, I am going to offer you a general review of your essay.

Your opening summary is incomplete and not in compliance with the required length of an opening paragraph. The information does not carry a complete summary of the prompt or proper paraphrasing either. Even though I do not have access to the complete prompt as of this moment, I can already tell that there are important sections missing in this particular paragraph. I would love to read the actual prompt in order to better direct you in developing your paraphrased prompt paragraphs.

Properly developed paragraphs need to be at least 3 paragraphs long in order to be considered format compliant. You are not allowed to pose a question in the essay if you are not going to provide a response to it. These are the more common problems that exist in your essay right now. This review covers everything from the first to the last paragraph that you have written. I can give you a chance to write a better , guided essay once you provide the prompt to help me with a more detailed review.


Home / Writing Feedback / A white paper ready to be filled. Kids' the best teacher is their parent.
Writing
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳