Unanswered [1] / Urgent [0] / SERVICES
 DrAfT!
Home / Writing Feedback   4

A white paper ready to be filled. Kids' the best teacher is their parent.


I am preparing for TEOFL, so i will be so thankful for every one give me a feedback on my essay:
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

the basic stones of every society



The children are the basic stones that every society stand on it by itself, this is why the developed societies give an important consideration about them, and especially the parents.

Without any doubt, the parents have big impact on their child future, because they are the closest ones to him, in which he trusts them and thinks that their advices and orders fall in his benefits, for this reason, the parents are in a position where they can make their child go extra mile in his future, as such, they seek his hope, his dream, and think about what he wants, what he loves, and what he hates, also, it should be mentioned that when children stick in very difficult situations, the most often, their parents are the only hope they can trust, meanwhile, anyone else is taken with grant of salt, and that explains well why the child learn from his parents how to manage his life and how to struggle in a difficult situations and how to be stubborn in hopeless cases.

We cannot encounter all the reasons in few lines, but nevertheless, what has been mentioned justifies why the parents make the best teacher, however this should not be taken as a perfect rule so let us turn over the coin to see the opposite face.

Every child is like a white paper, and what the parents write in it would be very difficult to erase, hence her is the questions: how much destructive would be that paper if it is written with dark thinking, evil ideologies and bad behavior ?

What i want to say is: the best educated parents make the best teachers, and what their children learn from anyone els is as a drop in the bucket comparing with what they benefit from them.

Jan 9, 2017   #2
Housseyne , since this is the first time that you have posted here, I am absolutely sure that you don't have any idea regarding the rules of the forum yet. You are required to post the prompt requirement that accompanies your practice test. That is because we need that prompt to help analyze your weaknesses and strengths in writing these essays. It also helps to give us an idea as to how you might be scored in an actual test. So kindly post the prompt here as soon as you can for a more accurate review and scoring of your essay. In the meantime, I am going to offer you a general review of your essay.

Your opening summary is incomplete and not in compliance with the required length of an opening paragraph. The information does not carry a complete summary of the prompt or proper paraphrasing either. Even though I do not have access to the complete prompt as of this moment, I can already tell that there are important sections missing in this particular paragraph. I would love to read the actual prompt in order to better direct you in developing your paraphrased prompt paragraphs.

Properly developed paragraphs need to be at least 3 paragraphs long in order to be considered format compliant. You are not allowed to pose a question in the essay if you are not going to provide a response to it. These are the more common problems that exist in your essay right now. This review covers everything from the first to the last paragraph that you have written. I can give you a chance to write a better , guided essay once you provide the prompt to help me with a more detailed review.
Hot, thanks very much for your kindness, i am so happy for that and i truly appreciate it, and i am so sorry for breaking the rule without knowing, I will never forget your advices that you have given me.

If i am not mistaken, what i understand from your said (You are required to post the prompt requirement ) is that i have missed this :

( Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
se specific reasons and examples to support your answer. You should give reasons for your answer using your own ideas and experience.
Write at least 250 words. )

in the line before the last one, there is a mistake :
se specific reasons and examples ...
the correct one is:
use specific reasons and examples ...
Jan 9, 2017   #4
Housseyne, where is the statement? You gave the instructions for the discussion but not the topic for discussion. I'm sorry to tell you that I need the actual discussion provided in the prompt as well. I regret not giving you more detailed instructions sooner. It would seem like your essay is requiring you to do an opinion essay based on the statement provided. Since this is an opinion paper, it would be best if you do not leave an unanswered question in the essay. That is because these essays need to show that you have an analytical ability when it comes to considering topic discussions. As such, a question posed in an essay requires the writer to deliver an answer as well because that is all part and parcel of your opinion on the issue.

That said, your opinion of agreement or disagreement should have been presented in the opening statement because that would have been the foundation of the succeeding prompt requirements. You would have lost major points for that in an actual essay. Remember, an opening statement is considered incomplete if you are unable to deliver the paraphrased statement along with, in this case, your personal opinion on the topic proposed for discussion.

So if I were you, I would go back and fix that part of the essay or, I would make sure to remember that when writing the succeeding practice tests. I can see your potential to develop your English writing skills for the test. You just need to receive proper guidance in learning how to analyze the requirements of the essay for presentation in your written work. Hopefully, we will be able to help you learn how to do that in due time.


Home / Writing Feedback / A white paper ready to be filled. Kids' the best teacher is their parent.