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It is widely argued that the railways are more in need of the Government's investment than roads

aliceewdoublee 1 / 3  
Oct 13, 2020   #1


Write about the following topic:
Governments should spend money on railways rather than roads.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

It is widely argued that the railways are more in need of the Government's investment than roads. For certain reasons, I believe this point of view is likely to be disagreed.

Based on the fact that cars are now the dominant choice of vehicles in the world, investing in roads is, indeed, one of the top solutions for the rate of car accidents. In particular, the quality of roads, especially high-way, has shown significant impacts in reducing accidents that happened due to wheel-strip, blocking-objects,... The more people choosing cars as their vehicle, the more responsibility the Governments are facing to guarantee their safety on the roads.

Having said that there are some who still agree because they think better railways would somehow encourage people to use public transportation, such as trains. However, it is its convenience, of which time-flexibility and time-saving, comes along with the privacy of personal vehicles that make cars way more common than trains. Therefore, spending on railways can be considered as not efficient, when the roads are more urgent to be invested.

Furthermore, the process of putting a train into running not just includes only qualified railways, but also a whole complex system of the workforce, energy, and engineering platform that needs to be maintained. By that, investing in railways turns out to cost the Government much more money than that on roads. The national resources can be saved just by spending on improving roads instead of railways.

To sum up, I believe there are more reasons to disagree with this statement. In the next decade, roads will still need a concentration of government investment, until cars stop being the number one vehicle chosen.

Thanks for reading and please leave a comment down below to help me improve my essay.

Holt [Contributor] - / 9,732 3069  
Oct 13, 2020   #2
Your response to the question is incorrect. This is an extent essay. Therefore, a measured response with proper reasoning is required for the paraphrased presentation. You are also creating a misrepresentation of the original prompt by using the phrase " widely argued". There is no argument being presented nor referred to in the original presentation. It is a mere suggestion or discussion, which would have been the more appropriate descriptive words to use in your rephrasing. You may have written the paraphrase with response as:

There are suggestions being made that national leaders must allot more finances to the building of train tracks. An opposite suggestion has also been made that cash should be allowed more for the building of thoroughfares. I disagree completely with the former idea due to the degree by which private vehicles are more beneficial to people, thus requiring more roadway than train lines.

Your opening paraphrase is incorrect in terms of formatting. You are missing one more sentence to meet the minimum requirement. Your concluding paragraph does not offer a clear summary of the previous discussion, which is the required format presentation of the concluding paraphrase. You created a continuing discussion, but failed to complete the presentation so the essay ended on an open presentation rather than a full circle, concluded presentation.
OP aliceewdoublee 1 / 3  
Oct 13, 2020   #3
Thank you for the very detailed reply!
I will definitely look over those mistakes and make improvements following your advices.
I just started getting to know Writing in IELTS so there are still plenty of imperfections, but I'm grateful for every comment of what I can not see yet.

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