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The widespread use of the internet has affected people life in mostly positive way.


martinasp 1 / 4 1  
Jul 17, 2019   #1
Please help me to evaluate this essay. Kindly give your comment and feedback about this essay in this thread. I wrote this essay for my daily writing practice. Thank you.

Prompt :
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? "Overall, the widespread use of the internet has a mostly positive effect on life in today's world."

topic source (toeflresources.com/sample-toefl-essays/sample-essays-i)

Internet became widespread quickly



The use of internet on a daily basis has mostly positive effect on life in today's world. People find the internet is very helpful, hence they use this technology in their daily basis. Some of the helpful things that people get by using the internet are as follows.

Firstly, the advantages of using internet in education. Internet has greatly affected education in many ways. One of these is changing the foundation of how we study in school. In the past, before the widespread use of the internet, people must attend classroom to learn the subjects that they want to learn. In this present day, by using the internet, people do not have to attend the classroom. Many schools and organizations that provide learning service have already used the internet platform to teach. The students can learn self-paced accordingly with their time and locations.

Secondly, the widespread use of the internet has greatly affected how we get and use the news and information around our life. People get news and information about disaster, crime and official issue vastly and quickly from the internet. This greatly helps people life especially when they do not have time to buy a magazine or newspaper or listen to news and information from radio.

And lastly, the use of internet has given a great advantage in terms of wellness especially health care. People can get information about wellness in the internet. Most of wellness organization have used the internet to maintain their relation with the patients via the internet platform. People nowadays can also conveniently use the internet to schedule medical appointments or buy medicine from pharmacy or clinic.

In conclusion, the widespread use of the internet nowadays has greatly affected people's life with mostly in positive and advantageous way. In the future, when the internet is fully used by all of people, it will greatly help every part on life.

ttttiffanyyyy 1 / 1  
Jul 18, 2019   #2
I am not a native speaker, but I would like to try my best help. However, the following tips are my personal opinion, not always correct.

You can use stronger verb more frequently, it will make your essay more persuasive.
Also avoid repetition of words.
The following sentences which were rewritten by me are only for reference.

Firstly, the advantages of using internet ... (utilize or use)
In the past, before the widespread use ...
(Before the popularization of the Internet, students must attended classroom for learning subjects.)
In this present day, by using the internet...
(Nowadays, as the well-development of the Internet, people can study in long-distance, even at home.)
Many schools and organizations that provide ...
(Providing the Internet platforms by schools and institutes for learning had become common services.)

This greatly helps people life especially ...

(people's) (It significantly enhance the efficiency of people's life especially when they are too busy to buy magazines or listen to news from radio.)

And lastly, the use of internet ...
OP martinasp 1 / 4 1  
Aug 3, 2019   #3
@ttttiffanyyyy
thank you for your feedback.. i'll keep it in mind and edit my essay...
ththao_99 2 / 5 2  
Aug 3, 2019   #4
Hi, @martinasp
I would like to give my feedback and hope that it will be helpful for your learning endeavor.
I think your coherece is logical.
In terms of vocabulary, you should paraphrase more. Insteading of use the widespread use of the internet, u can use the immense popularity of the internet or the increasing demand on using the internet. Affect => influence.

Some small grammatical mistakes:
the advantages of using internet are in education.
People find the internet is very helpful.
I suggest that you combine 3 first sentences in the second paragraph: The most distinct advantage of using internet is that it changes .the foundation of how we study in school
OP martinasp 1 / 4 1  
Aug 5, 2019   #5
@ththao_99
thank you for your feedback


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