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Wild animals have no use in the 21st century - is preserving them just a waste of resources?


lucy1990 2 / 3  
Aug 2, 2019   #1

the relationship between human and animals



IELTS Writing Task 2
Wild animals have no use in the 21st century and trying to preserve animals now is just wastage of money.


In modern society, there is a perspective that animals have not had useful value so that protecting animals is not worthy and cost a lot of money. It seems there is a little element truth in it, However, in my opinion, conserving animals equals to the development of human beings. If all animals are extinct, the last one must be human.

In the spite of the prosperity of automatic machine, we much less rely on animals to hunt and grow grains in agriculture than we used to in the past, instead of few places where it is far away from the cities. As a result, every year people spend a lot of money on nature reserve in preserving them. The other side is quite opposite. Animals are vital for keeping the biodiversity including human beings. Due to the interaction with distinctive animals, the ecosystem remains on a balanced condition. For instance, people eat fishes and fishes catch shrimps and shrimps get microorganism. Biodiversity help all creature in a harmonious situation.

On the other hand, animals are enough smart so that they have many emotion in common with people .To illustrate, grief occurred many animals when their child and participants died ,seeing the body in the sad eye. Even though many scientists have not admitted that animals can create grief. There is a great deal of truth that love can be seen by heart.

What is more, there will have much more discoveries found by people to help us cope with the relationship between human and animals. Nevertheless, with the development of science, we have made strides in exploring from Satellites to undersea. Undeniably, animals provided a lot of materials to human. Meanwhile ,greenhouse warming and environment pollution caused by human have an enormous impact on animals, with the loss of nature inhabitant and the decease of food. To some extent, the protection of animals is also to help ourselves

In summary, with more and more serious influence on animals, human should be obliged to keep on wild animals in the proper amount and diversity. Though life is limited,human must benefit for the next generation.

vuthuylinh2611 1 / 3 1  
Aug 3, 2019   #2
Hi Lucy,
I have some comment to your essay. As a disclaimer, I am not a native English speaker so I welcome all corrections from other members of the forum.

-There are some words and phrases that I consider incorrect or inappropriate :
".................have not had useful value so that" so that = in order that. Recommendation: "so"
"As a result, every year...." - "However,.../Nevertheless" (more logical)
where it is - that are (grammar)
"The other side is quite opposite" - can be written in a more straightforward way
"enough smart" - smart enough (grammar)
s410377088 11 / 22 4  
Aug 5, 2019   #3
some unnecessary words
--> It seems there is a little element truth in it...

It will be better if you state " I disagree that ..." in the first paragraph to make your position clear.

The coherence in the second paragraph is not strong.
For example:
we muchless rely on animals to hunt and grow grains in agriculture-->??? As a result, every year people spend a lot of money on nature reserve

The third paragraph doesn't make sense to me. Maybe you need to rephrase it.

The conclusion only needs to mention your previous point instead of creating new ones.

Best hope for your test.
考試加油!!!


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