Unanswered [2] | Urgent [0]

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 3

Many wildlife species worldwide are in danger of extinction. How can we protect endangered animals?

gongyoooppa 1 / 3 1  
Aug 23, 2017   #1

Saving wild animals' lives

These days, governments have dealt with the problem of protecting wild animals from extinction. Thus, people worldwide should work together to come up with more and more effective solutions.

Firstly, it is common knowledge that pollution does great harm to wild creatures. For instance, water pollution from sewage, chemical waste or leaked oil causes the death of countless aquatic animals and plants; also soil pollution contaminates a large number of forests, which are the permanent home for wild species. As a result, we should protect the environment by collecting litter along the beach and purifying the industrial waste. What is more,growing more trees is also advisable for everyone to prevent land and air pollution.

Secondly, the fact that hunters kill animals for their own sake is worth taking into consideration. It is clear that these creatures are hunted owning to illegal business, so the number of wild animals gradually decline each year, which leads to their extinction. Consequently, governments had better conduct more strict policies or create new punishments for ones who break the law. Besides, hunting wild animals without permission ought to be completely prohibited.

Last but not least, the extinction of wildlife species is considered to be a result of human's overpopulation. Undoubtedly, places to live are quickly filled up, so people have no choice but cut down more trees to build houses. This process continues and threatens the life of many wild creatures. Therefore, authorities must try their best to lower the growth of population and carry out the projects of preserving natural sights, taking care of wildlife species' lives and keeping them away from human's reach.

To summarize, to protect endangered animals from the edge of extinction is absolutely essential for every individual because it is primarily the result of human's awareness. From my point of view, people should be more aware of the negative effects on the destruction of wild animals' lives.

Holt [Contributor] - / 9,034 2721  
Aug 24, 2017   #2
@gongyoooppa Since this is a Task 2 essay, you need to present a clear thesis statement in your opening paragraph. That means, after you summarize the discussion, you need to explain what the task of the essay will be. In this instance, the task of the essay will be to discuss how to protect the animals. Without that reference, the essay does not have a thesis statement or a subject for the whole discussion.

The paragraphs that you wrote have good starter information. The problem, is that you do not fully develop the solution discussions. You have to learn how to integrate the problem statement into the solution paragraph. I would have written the second paragraph as follows:

One of the major environmental problems that affect wildlife is water pollution. The rise in water pollution results in the death and extinction of numerous sea creatures. In order to protect the sea creatures, water conservation and animal rights groups must work with the government towards developing sustainable solutions to the water pollution problem An example of a possible solution for this problem would be to have the aforementioned groups dredge the heavily polluted rivers in order to prepare the surrounding area for ecological purposes such as creating a water park where aquatic wildlife can exist in a protected environment.

Can you detect how I incorporated the problem into the paragraph while directly connecting it to the solution? That is always the best presentation for these essay types because it allows you to fully develop the paragraph while discussing 2 topics at once.

Your point of view should not be in the concluding paragraph. You have to write that opinion above the closing paragraph because your point of view needs to be developed in presentation and discussion in order to make the examiner understand and believe what you have to say about the topic. Which is why it is given its own paragraph for presentation.
OP gongyoooppa 1 / 3 1  
Aug 24, 2017   #3
thank you so much for your comments, I'll try my best to make progress.

Home / Writing Feedback / Many wildlife species worldwide are in danger of extinction. How can we protect endangered animals?