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IELTS wirting: Children should begin formal education at four years old


warmhub 1 / 3  
Apr 30, 2013   #1
Topic: In some countries it is thought advisable that children begin formal education at four years old, while in others they do not have to start school until they are seven or eight. How far do you agree with either or these view?

Parents always want the best things for their kids so they may hesitate whether they should send their kids to school soon or not. Some parents hold the opinion that children should be allowed stay at home from four to five years old. However, others believe that it is important for young children to go to school at the age of four. My arguments for this point are listed as follows.

When children go to kindergarten they will achieve a new education without their family. Teachers will prepare them for not only knowledge but also essential skills in the school. According to the scientists, children are really go-ahead and like discovering at this age, so school is an immaculate environment for developing physical and mental of young children . Moreover, children also have exigency opening relationships then their communication abilities are advanced.

Even if it is true that children should go to school soon, they can easy cope with some difficulties when they have to step in a strange environment. In fact, mothers always worry about how their children are taken care in school. Especial when a lot of kindergartens is not unhygienic. Moreover, this is good environment to spread diseases because all kids eat and sleep together. However, children who come to school soon, will have a good preparation when they are going to enter the first grade than children did not go to kindergarten before.

To sum up, children will develop both physical and mental when they go to school soon. Furthermore, today, sending kids to school is a terrific solutions with mothers who cope with not only pressure working but also pressure family . Therefore, we should propagate this information to each mother understanding that every child should go to school at the appropriate age.

Please kindly give me some suggestions, thanks

Redtape 4 / 31 11  
May 1, 2013   #2
Parents always want the best things for their kids

--------I would suggest to stop the sentence with this.

According to the scientists, children are really go-ahead and like discovering at this age, so school is an immaculate environment for developing physical and mental of young children .

According to the scientists, children learn new things quick and easy at this age. Hence school is an ideal place to develop physical and mental abilities of young children.

However, children who come to school soon, will have a good preparation when they are going to enter the first grade than children did not go to kindergarten before.

However, children who complete kindergarten and enter the school will have better preparation than other students who don't have preschool exposure.
OP warmhub 1 / 3  
May 1, 2013   #3
Redtape: Thank you so much. Great ideas
dumi 1 / 6,948 1592  
May 1, 2013   #4
Parents always want the best things for their kids so they may hesitatebe concerned whether they should send their kids to school soon or not.

Some parents hold the opinion that children should be allowed stay at home fromuntil four to five years old.

..."from" gives a different meaning and not appropriate to use for this idea. It means that children should be allowed to stay at home when they are 4 to 5 years old.

My arguments for this point are listed as follows.

.... You need to improve its presentation... Don't say that you list your points.... This is an essay and not a list of things or even a report.... It needs a good and smooth flow that makes the reader more curious to follow your writing.
OP warmhub 1 / 3  
May 1, 2013   #5
I wish my essay will be

good and smooth flow that makes the reader more curious to follow your writing.

. I am trying to improve my writing skill. Can you give me some advices? thanks you so much!
dumi 1 / 6,948 1592  
May 2, 2013   #6
I am trying to improve my writing skill. Can you give me some advices?

... Well, I think you already have good writing skills.... It's a matter of keep on improving if you need to master a language. You follow the right essay structure for this task.

When children go to kindergarten they will achieve a new education without their family. Teachers will prepare them for not only knowledge but also essential skills in the school. According to the scientists, children are really go-ahead and like discovering at this age, so school is an immaculate environment for developing physical and mental of young children . Moreover, children also have exigency opening relationships then their communication abilities are advanced.

...Here you need to support your argument, rather the reason, with an example of more specific nature. It's a requirement for this task.
Write more essays and post them here. Also, practice writing with time as you have limited time for this task.
OP warmhub 1 / 3  
May 2, 2013   #7
ok Dumi, thank for your advices :)


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