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WISH FOR CHRISTMAS


autumnwave 11 / 35  
Dec 8, 2009   #1
Please read it and help me revise mistakes in my essay. Thank you in advance

I still remember your promise two year a go. But you maybe forgot it completely. Therefore it's never true to your words.
There is coming Christmas one more time while we are a part farther and farther. I don't know whether you are happy or not when we are separated. But I fell sad so much because you broke my heart already. Do you know that it was the Christmas two year a go I was silently waiting for you coming as you promised. But you didn't come. Even if it was a message you didn't send to happy me Merry Christmas.

Soon after I knew that you were busing to take care of your uncle. He was the one who was abandoned from his sons and daughters. Although I knew you are kind but I feel unhappy from bottom of my heart because you didn't tell me what happened to you. If you said me that you were busy, I could never force you to go out with me. On the contrary, I would encourage you to carry out your duty.

You often said that you were always by my side. Well, I believed it without any condition. I thought that you cared me so much and you also need me. Therefore, I fell in love with you. From that day on, I thought of you much more. And the more you thought of you, the more I loved you. Although I knew you didn't love me as I imaged, I still couldn't delete you from my life.

I was the one who was been easy to hurt. I didn't want to see you happy with another girl. I couldn't bear you neglecting me. What's more, I didn't want to be beggar in love. Because you knew, I have a high of self-esteem. And my tears drip down from day to day when I recall your actions which I don't know whether you are deliberate or not. Therefore I had to say goodbye with you.

I still miss you even that I try to make strange with you. There are many times I think I never forgive you, but I quickly forget it when I miss you. Only need does you come, grieves will reduce in my heart. Except you, nobody could help me mend my broken heart.

It's coming Christmas; Santa Claus is too busy with children. I am not a child, maybe I don't bother him. I have no gift to share everybody like him, but I wish everybody a happy Merry Christmas. It's not like me, I always feel hurt and hopeless on Christmas from that day.
NightRaven 1 / 11  
Dec 8, 2009   #2
I just read the first para, great use of words! But, here are some things that could use a bit of fixing!:

I still remember your promise two years a go, but you maybe have forgot about it completely. Therefore it's never true to your words.[[don't know what you're trying to say here. Could be: Therefore, your words are never true. OR Therefore, your words never have truth in them.]]

There is coming Christmas one more time while we are a part farther and farther. Christmas is coming again, and we are still live apart. I don't know whether you are happy or not when even though we are separated. But I feelsad so much so much sad, because you broke my heart already. Do you know that it was the Christmas two years ago? I was silently waiting for you coming as you promised to come as you promised, but you didn't come. Even if it was a message you didn't send to happy me Merry Christmas. You didn't even send me a message that wished me Merry Christmas.

- Try not to start sentences with But, it somewhat ruins the flow of essays.
- Watch your order of words. Otherwise, your use of words is awesome. xD
Christinasha07 1 / 10  
Dec 8, 2009   #3
Soon after I knew realized you were busing to take busy taking care of your uncle. HeWho was the one? was the one who was abandoned from his sons and daughters. Although I know that you are kind,I feel unhappy from the bottom of my heart because you didn't tell me what happened to you. If you told me you were busy, I never would have force you to go out with me. On the contrary, I would encourage you to carry on with your duty.
OP autumnwave 11 / 35  
Dec 8, 2009   #4
thank you for your help, Night Raven
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Dec 10, 2009   #5
I still remember your promise two year ago, but you may have forgotten it completely. Therefore, you cannot be true to your word. There is another Christmas coming, one more holiday during which we will grow farther and farther apart. I don't know...

I hope that helps you! It was hard to understand in the beginning.

I was the one who has been easy to hurt.
OP autumnwave 11 / 35  
Dec 12, 2009   #6
Thank you ever so much, Kevin!


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