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IELTS Task 2_women who do not plan to have careers should be allowed to get post-grad degrees or not

zeal 5 / 14 8  
Mar 27, 2017   #1
Q. Women who do not plan to have careers do not need post-grad degrees, and thus they should not be allowed to attend such higher eduction courses. To what extend do you agree or disagree.

Women Have The Right To Choose (for over a century now)

It cannot be denied that the opportunities to learn the desired subjects have been equal for both women and men in these days, but some critics complaint that attending further education courses should not be allowed for women who have decided not to have careers. However, in my opinion, I am convinced that every woman has the right to do what she believes.

To start with, some people claim that permitting women who have no plan to have careers to get a post-grad degree is not an acceptable idea. The first reason for the concern is waste of time and money. Nowadays, the education costs are really high and it takes at least one year to finish a post-grad degree; then what is the reason of spending the precious time and money for a degree which would not be used in their lives. Moreover, it would be the burden to the women and their families as the former have to take care of the families and so the lessons. Another point is that in some culture, many old fashioned people believe that the child raring and household works are only for women as they are considered as second-class citizens, consequently, some women give up their ambition to attend post-grad courses because of the fact that their family members force them to.

Nonetheless, it is my contention that respecting one's freedom of choice is the most important for human beings. In other words, one is entitled to be treated equally without discrimination. Each and every mature and sound person has the privilege to decide one's own destiny as in the 21st century, gender equality and human right are the one factor that indicates the value of being a human. In addition, letting women to continue their higher education would be at least a small action to narrow gender inequality because education is for everyone regardless of gender, race and religion. Generally, women who have high education level have high self-esteem and self-confidence so that they can keep abreast with men even they have no careers. Being highly educated wives can help their husbands by giving advises related with the latter's works.

To conclude, although it is arguable that whether women who would have no careers should be allowed for post-grad degrees or not, I am of the view that women have the right to choose and plan for their lives. Therefore, acknowledging women as human beings not second-class citizens would be the best for women rather giving judgements about them.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 10,909 3559  
Mar 27, 2017   #2
Phone, your opening paragraph was almost perfect. Almost perfect because you dropped the ball in the last sentence. You should have completed the presentation of the opinion by saying that you are convinced that every woman has a right to do what she believes, when it comes to her education and that includes attending graduate school. The opinion that you stated was incomplete as it did not accurately address the prompt topic. You were off course by just a very little that it saddened me to see such a slip up on your part. Your arguments are obviously coming from a very personal place and reflects your strong conviction regarding the matter. This is truly one of the better developed essay discussions on this forum, regardless of the grammar problems. In fact, those grammar issues are so negligible that I am not hesitating to score this essay a 6 based upon the strength of your developed arguments. It would have been a 7 if you had just given a more proper opening statement and a better developed conclusion. The problem with your conclusion is the presentation of additional information regarding women instead of simply summarizing and concluding the essay. You have to remember that the closing statement can never be used to present new information as that requires additional discussion that will not allow you to properly close the discussion you have presented.

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