Topic: Some people think that mothers should spend most of their time raising family, and therefore the government should support them financially. Do you agree or disagree? Give your opinion and examples based on your own experience.
For years men were known as breadwinners and mothers' responsibilities limited to tasks done inside the home such as cooking, bringing up children, and the like. However, as time passed, some major changes occurred in the society and women took more social roles. In spite of such changes in the social structures of families, there are still some people who support the traditional-style families and believe mothers must be housewives, instead receive financial helps from the government. From my perspective, this opinion is debatable because of educational, psychological and social reasons.
The critics of the modern families think that women who spend their time out at works do not have enough time to look after their children, thus, it negatively influences their children. However, I think the effects of working mothers on their kids can be positive, in particular in their education. Nowadays, mothers with a job need to be educated too. In other words, having a job and achieving a degree in the today's world are intertwined. Therefore, a mother who possesses a university or college degree can help her children in their studies. Many empirical sociological studies revealed that children whose mothers have got an academic degree are more successful in different subjects compared to other students.
In addition, the participation of women in social activities is not all about financial issues. Women as human beings hurt from a monotonous life. I have faced many housewives with no satisfaction in their lives solely because they have been doing the same set of activities at home every day without having any interaction with people. Such a situation would steer women toward a deep depression, jeopardizing the mental health of the society at a higher degree.
For years men were known as breadwinners [...] of educational, psychological and social reasons.Be factual in your statements. The fact that men and women have been recognized as having different responsibilities has not just been for years, but for centuries. Historically speaking,the role of men and women have been detailed since the time of the cavemen. There are records to prove that claim. Aside from that correction, you make a good point in your introduction.
The critics of the modern families think [...] different subjects compared to other students.- This is a flawed argument that requires a secondary paragraph. While it is important that women have careers these days, most educators believe that because mothers spend too much time at work and not enough with their children, that the quality of education outside of the school suffers. Remember how sociologists sometimes point out that women are the primary teachers of their children and by having them work outside of the home, they are unable to properly fulfill their motherly duties comprised of teaching the children social skills, basic reading, and etiquette. Reference that discussion in this paragraph if you can.
In addition, the participation of women in [...] mental health of the society at a higher degree.
- Again, what about the side that believes that a mother's social life is intertwined with the activities of their children? These are places where mothers can socialize while their own children play together.
Good discussion. But I think you totally missed the main point of the prompt which is
the government should support them financially.
Where in your essay does it become clear that the government should or should not support housewives and mother's financially? I read the essay twice and I do not believe I came across the reason either times.
Thanks Luisa. I know that this essay is not a strong essay. Actually I did not like it myself, let alone others, especially in terms of vocab I think it is weak :(
- Again, what about the side that believes that a mother's social life is intertwined with the activities of their children?
it is true, but the topic is "agree OR
diagree", which means either agree or diagree. If I want to cover both sides and support all the possible situations the essay would be too long :((
Where in your essay does it become clear that the government should or should not support housewives and mother's financially?
This part of the topic is added because people who think moms should stay at home have no income resource, then, the government should pay them. But I disagree with this group and I'm talking about working mothers not housewives. Why should I still talk about this matter? btw, I mentioned that taking a job is not just about money, which somehow answers this part of the question, doesn't it?
OK Luisa, I rewrote the essay, can you please have look at this version?
For centuries the patriarchy was the dominant social system all around the world, meaning men were deciding all the problems related to families and the society and women's responsibilities limited to tasks done inside the house, such as cooking and bringing up children. As time passed, many movements of women's rihgts conducted, so that women could change this look to females and take more civic roles. However, due to the long history of the patriarchy system, there are still some people that think women are housewives and their main role in a family is cultivating their children, and if they need money the government should provide them with a monthly salary. I utterly disagree with the latter group because of financial, social and psychological reasons.
We live in a luxurious world with high living expenses, which requires both men and women to work hard in order to afford such costs. The structures of the society is not comparable with the past and people need a sheer sums of money to spend on house rent, bills, transportations, their children's educational costs, and the like. Therefore, if only a man be the breadwinner, fulfilment of all the aforementioned costs is almost impossible. Although, the critics of working mothers suggest the government's helps, this idea is not practical, since the government always try to spend its budgets on public services like constructions of hospitals and schools and such programs would increase the government's expenses drastically.
In addition, females who take social roles would have more communication skills than housewives. Mothers are known as first educators or role models of their kids, so that their higher capabilities in their social interactions, would directly influence children and make them more sociable. Because of the nature of their lifestyles, working mothers communicate with more people, ranging from friends, cauleagues to managers. As a results, they have more opportunities to see people with different attitudes and social statuses, thud they implicitly teach their kids how to behave each of these individuals if they were placed into the same situations.
Finally, when women work and have a financial contribution to the family, resulting from their own efforts not what the government might pay them as housewives, their levels of confidence would be increased. Women, as human beings, are eager for being independent. They want to have their own jobs, their own income resources and if their husbands needed them, they stand by them. Such feeling can be fulfilled if they have a job and feel that they can do whatever men can do. Hence, women do not work just to make money, they seek a way to build their confidence and independency.
To sum up, I believe that the traditional style families do not match the contemporary era and women need to work outside the home to help their families economically, improve their children socially and, more importantly, reinforce their own level of confidence.