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IELTS ; "where words leave off music begins"


manugmc 1 / 1  
Feb 4, 2014   #1
I am preparing for IELTS examination. I need experts help and guidance.

There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the international music that is heard everywhere nowadays?

"where words leave off music begins"
It is said that music originated the day, when life started. Music is an inevitable part of human lives. Music itself exist in each and every part of nature like chirping of birds, sounds of waving air and splashes of water in the sea. Music is a form of expression of feelings.

There are various forms of music like classical, jazz and many other forms. People choose music according to likes and tastes. Music is used to add charms to the celebration of special events. Most of us, start and end our day with music. Days back mothers used to induce sleep to their children by singing musical poems called 'lori'. Music gives relaxation to mind and help to cope with stress. It helps to improve the mood, many times whenever i feel sad or lonely, listening to music makes me feel comfortable and relax. Music also improve human's cognitive abilities like concentration, attention, memory and and judgement .

Traditional music originated from our ancestors. Every country has its own musical form to entertain its people. From few decades people are attracted more towards International music, its on lips of every youngster. Traditional music depicts the lifestyle, culture and traditions of one's country. It has its roots in the ancient times, and now it also has undergone numerous changes due to advancement in technology. Traditional music is the cultural heritage of any country so it should be preserved for our new generations.

At last, I conclude that music is like a soul of human body. And traditional music is more important than International music and should be preserved.

eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1,195 459  
Feb 4, 2014   #2
Hi manugmc,

In this task, you have two questions to answer:
1.

Why do we need music?

you did it.
2.

Is the traditional music of a country more important than the international music that is heard everywhere nowadays?

Here, you need more content to discuss this more important than. If you leave this, your writing will have no salient points on the Task Achievement.

attention, memory and and judgement

It helps to improve the mood, many times whenever i feel sad or lonely, listening to music makes me feel comfortable and relax.

Two verbs here. You'd better break this down into two sentences.

Thanks.
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Feb 5, 2014   #3
Music itself exists in each and every part of nature like chirping of birds, sounds of waving air and splashes of water in the sea.

You don't introduce your prompt adequately to the reader. This task requires particular features for you to score.
tiaDS 73 / 235 52  
Feb 5, 2014   #4
I think that your introduction is not answer Why do we need music?, i want to try paraphrasing the question.
Every country has an original genre of music which depicts the culture of country. traditional music is replaced by international music troughout the world, while traditional music is still notable to be heared for giving well-being for people.
OP manugmc 1 / 1  
Feb 5, 2014   #5
thank you for your corrections and valuable suggestions...


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