Unanswered [7] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 4

In about 140 words write a paragraph about the importance of doing exercises


lethibichquyen 1 / -  
Jul 18, 2016   #1
There are many important reason why we should do exercises. Firstly, taking exercises keeps us healthy. It has proven that doing exercises help us avoid many diseases such as cancer, heart attack, high blood pressure. Secondly, exercises aids us in maintaining fitness and possessing a beautiful body. It is a wonderful and cheap way for obesity people to achieve a weight-losing goal. Finally, exercises brings us happiness and relaxing. Because it release chemicals in our brain called endorphins that help us relieve tension, reduce stress. To conclude, the importance of doing exercises is undeniable so that each of us should plan to do it regularly.

Ashkan1363 1 / 6  
Jul 18, 2016   #2
1.help us avoid many diseases such as cancer, heart attack,and high blood pressure.
2.when you write a research paper try to use passive sentence

I found this two error.
akbartaufiq25 7 / 81 54  
Jul 18, 2016   #3
Hello Quyen, it is pleased to working with you. Firstly, welcome to the EssayForum or EF in short; our big family has striven to give accurate and corrective feedbacks in attempts to develop one's writing.

Now, when it comes to your essay, I found several points for you to be considered explained as follows:

The common issues that I noticed is SVA or Subject-Verb Agreement, below are the SVA problem in your essay:
"..exercises aids us.." (the subject is plural, use verb 1 instead; this is also the same problem I found in the following sentences)
"..exercises brings us.."
"Because it releases chemicals in our brain called endorphins that help us relieve tension, and reduce stress."

You put the word "us" too much. You can replace this word with its synonym, for example, "people". The essay is short so bear in mind that you need to use varied of words. Also, the lexical choices that you use must be appropriate or accurate to the context of your sentence.

Still, what I like from your essay the most is you have a good control of ideas. I can see that each sentence is linked each other and it is well-structured. Practice more, and you will be fine, 100% guaranteed! :D
justivy03 - / 2,367 607  
Jul 18, 2016   #4
Hi Quyen, indeed, WELCOME the the team, it's always good to welcome yet another member of the team and we hope that this is just the start of a great partnership.

Moving forward, I must say that this writing task is quiet straight forward, definitely not that easy, as you have to make sure that you strictly follow the word limitations as instructed. Now, as I read along, I notice a few minor changes that can be enhanced to make your essay strong. To better understand this observation, please find the corrections below;

- There are many important reasons
- Firstly , taking exercises keeps us healthy.
- Secondly, exercises aids us in maintaining fitness
- and possessinghelp us possess
- cheapinexpensive way
- for obesityobese people
- to achieve atheir weight-losing goal.
- and relaxingrelaxes us. Because, as it releases chemicals
- so that each of us should plan to do it regularly.

There you have it Quyen, I hope the above modifications are helpful towards your revision and for future writing reference, mind the position of the words in the sentences, the minor details are also very crucial such as the linking verbs as well as the tenses as this affects the overall idea of the essay.


Home / Writing Feedback / In about 140 words write a paragraph about the importance of doing exercises